第13章 我要笑遍世界 (3)

2. It’s not that if you are sweet to that person then he will love you more. Maybe he will， maybe he won’t. But that is not the point to be good and to be noble. To be good， to be noble is for ourselves because we choose to be that way， we want to keep being that way， and we feel good about it. It’s not because， “Okay， now he needs me more. If I show more sympathy， then our love will be stronger.” It’s not even to be considered.

3. But most of the time we fail the test. When people are in most difficulty， we just leave them， or we are cold and indifferent. “Oh， you’re not nice to me. All right， all right. You’ll come and need me soon.” Of course they will. When they’re in a better mood， when everything goes better， of course they’ll come around. But then it’s too late. Then it is not love anymore. It’s just a need for each other. That’s different， because you are used to each other and you need each other sometimes out of habit， out of convenience， out of financial security reasons —anything. But it’s not true love. True Love Always Prevails.

4. True love is we stick together in “thick and thin”. Especially when it’s thin， when it’s troublesome. Then we should really bridge over the “troubled water”. That’s what they say in English. But most of us fail the test， to ourselves， not to our partners. He might leave you； he might stay with you， because you’re nice or not nice. But you fail yourself. You leave yourself. You leave the noblest being that you really are. So we should check up on this to our family members or whomever that is beloved and dear to us. Most of the time in critical situations， we just turn our backs and that is no good.

5. Of course we have our anger， our frustrations， because our partners are not as loving as usual， or whomever that is； but he or she is in a different situation. At that time， she or he is in mental suffering. It’s just as bad as or even worse than physical suffering. Physical suffering you can take a pill or you can have an injection and it stops or at least temporarily stops， and you feel the effect right away； or at least if people are in physical suffering， everyone sympathizes with them.

6. But when they are in mental anguish， and we pound them more on that， and we turn our backs and become cold and indifferent， that is even crueler， even worse. That person will be swimming alone in suffering. And especially they trust us as the next of kin， the next person， the one that they think they can rely on in times of need； and then at that time， we just turn around and are snobbish， because they didn’t treat us nice so we just want to revenge. That’s not the time. You can revenge later， when he’s in better shape. Just slap him.

7. Actually， at that time， the person is not his usual self anymore. He was probably under very great pressure that he lost his own control. It’s not really that he lost his own control， but for example， when you are in a hurry， your talk is different. Right？ “Hand me that coat！ Quick！ Quick！ Quick！” Things like that. But normally， you would say “Honey， please， can you give me that coat.” Is that not so？ (Audience： Yes.) Or when you’re in pain—for example stomach pain， heartache or whatever—you scream loudly； and anyone who comes to talk to you， you don’t talk in the usual way anymore， because you’re in pain.

8. Similarly， when you are in a mental or psychological pain， you talk also in a very grouchy way， very cross. But that is understandable. So if we—any so-called loving partner or family member—do not understand even this very least， very basic concept， then we’re finished. Then we are really in a bad situation. It’s not that the partner will do anything to us. Whether he does anything to us later or not， that is no problem. The problem is us. The problem is we degrade ourselves， that we make less of a being of ourselves than we should be， than we are supposed to be， or that we really are. So do not make less of a being of yourselves.

1. 要确定你的爱是没有条件的，要确定你在任何状况下、不论晴雨，都能爱人。如果我们只有在一个人好的时候才爱他，这样有什么用呢？当我最需要人的时候，他们反而要离开我，情况总是如此，所以我希望你们不要像那样。我们必须考虑对方或同伴的情况和心情，也许他正有困难，所以才无法保持美好的心情，也许她有太多事要做，太多头痛的事，所以才无法像平常那样亲爱，而这时正是该展现我们所自我期许的最高贵品质的时候了。

2. 并不是你对一个人很甜，他就会更爱你，也许他会，也许不会，不过这不是使我们美好或高雅的重点所在。美好或高雅是为了我们自己，因为我们选择成为那样的人，我们希望保持那样，我们觉得那样比较好。并不是说：好，因为他现在比较有需要，所以我表现多一点同情心，我们的爱情就会比较稳固。这甚至不是我们该考虑的事。

3. 我们大部分的时候都无法通过这种考验，当别人正值最困难的时期，我们反而离开他们，或是显得冷淡、漠不关心，认为：好，你不对我好，没关系，没关系，很快你就会回过头来需要我。当然他们会，当他们心情比较好，当事情比较顺利之后，他们当然会回到你身边来，只不过那时就太迟了，就不再是爱了，只是彼此需要而已，那是不一样的！只是由于习惯、由于方便、或是经济安全因素而彼此需要而已，这不是真爱。真爱胜过一切。

4. 真爱是不管情况好坏都在一起，特别是当情况不好、有麻烦时，更应该如俗话所说的“兵来将挡，水来土掩”，想办法克服困难。但是大部分人都不能通过这项考验而背离了自己，而不是背离了我们的伴侣。因为不论你好或不好，你的伴侣留下或是离开，是你自己通不过考验，背离了你自己，背弃了内在真正高贵的你，所以我们应该检查自己对家人或任何我们所钟爱的人的关系，通常在关键的时刻我们反而背弃他们，这样很不好。

5. 当然我们也会觉得生气、挫折，因为我们的伴侣不再像以前一样可爱，不过这是因为他（她）正处在不同的状况，精神正受煎熬。精神痛苦和生理的痛苦一样难受，有时候甚至更糟。生理的痛苦可以藉吃药或打针来制止，至少可以暂时止痛，可以马上见效；或者至少身体受苦时，大家都会同情她。

6. 可是当有人处在心理的极度痛苦时，我们却落井下石，背弃他，变得冷漠不关心，这是更残忍、更糟糕的事，那个人就只能孤孤单单地在痛苦中挣扎。尤其他们信任我们是最亲密的人，认为在需要时可以信任依靠，可是我们却很势利地转身离去，只是因为他们不再对我们好或是我们只是想要报复。这真不是时候！你可以等一下再报复，等他好一点时，打他一巴掌。

7. 事实上，那时候那个人已经不再是平常的他，可能已因压力极大而失去控制；也不完全是失去控制，而是像当你很匆忙时，说话的语气自然会不一样，你会说：“拿外衣给我，快快快！”而在平常你则会说：“亲爱的，能不能请你拿那件外衣给我。”是不是这样？（大众答：是）或当你在痛苦时，像是胃痛或头痛时你会大叫，人家来看你时你也无法像平常那样谈话，因为你正痛得不得了。

8. 同样的，当你处在精神或心理的疼痛时，你的谈话自然会显得粗暴，但这是可以理解的。如果我们这些所谓的爱的伴侣或家人不知道这最起码、最基本的观念，我们就完了，我们会很糟糕。并非另一半会对我们怎样，无论对方以后有没有对我们怎样，那都不是问题，问题是在我们自己——我们贬低了自己，不配自己应有的身分，所以千万不要贬低自己。

Facing The Enemies Within直面内在的敌人