第3章

I was sincerely affected with this Discourse，as indeed who could be otherwise？ and I resolv'd not to think of going abroad any more，but to settle at home according to my Father's Desire. But alas！ a few Days wore it all off；and in short，to prevent any of my Father's farther Importunities，in a few Weeks after，I resolv'd to run quite away from him. However，I did not act so hastily neither as my first Heat of Resolution prompted，but I took my Mother，at a time when I thought her a little pleasanter than ordinary，and told her，that my Thoughts were so entirely bent upon seeing the World，that I should never settle to any thing with Resolution enough to go through with it，and my Father had better give me his Consent than force me to go without it；that I was now Eighteen Years old，which was too late to go Apprentice to a Trade，or Clerk to an Attorney；that I was sure if I did，I should never serve out my time，and I should certainly run away from my Master before my Time was out，and go to Sea；and if she would speak to my Father to let me go but one Voyage abroad，if I came home again and did not like it，I would go no more，and I would promise by a double Diligence to recover that Time I had lost.

This put my Mother into a great Passion：She told me，she knew it would be to no Purpose to speak to my Father upon any such Subject；that he knew too well what was my Interest to give his Consent to any thing so much for my Hurt，and that she wondered how I could think of any such thing after such a Discourse as I had had with my Father，and such kind and tender Expressions as she knew my Father had us'd to me；and that in short，if I would ruine my self there was no Help for me；but I might depend I should never have their Consent to it：That for her Part she would not have so much Hand in my Destruction；and I should never have it to say，that my Mother was willing when my Father was not.

Tho' my Mother refused to move it to my Father，yet as I have heard afterwards，she reported all the Discourse to him.，and that my Father，after shewing a great Concern at it，said to her with a Sigh，That Boy might be happy if he would stay at home，but if he goes abroad he will be the miserablest Wretch that was ever born：I can give no Consent to it.

It was not till almost a Year after this that I broke loose，tho' in the mean time I continued obstinately deaf to all Proposals of settling to Business，and frequently expostulating with my Father and Mother，about their being so positively determin'd against what they knew my Inclinations prompted me to. But being one Day at Hull，where I went casually，and without any Purpose of making an Elopement that time；but I say，being there，and one of my Companions being going by Sea to London，in his Father's Ship，and prompting me to go with them，with the common Allurement of Seafaring Men，viz That it should cost me nothing for my Passage，I consulted neither Father or Mother any more，nor so much as sent them Word of it；but leaving them to hear of it as they might，without asking God's Blessing，or my Father's，without any Consideration of Circumstances or Consequences，and in an ill Hour，God knows. On the first of September 1651 I went on Board a Ship bound for London；never any young Adventurer's Misfortunes，I believe，began sooner，or continued longer than mine. The Ship was no sooner gotten out of the Humber，but the Wind began to blow，and the Winds' to rise in a most frightful manner；and as I had never been at Sea before，I was most inexpressibly sick in Body，and terrify'd in my Mind：I began now seriously to reflect upon what I had done，and how justly I was overtaken by the Judgment of Heaven for my wicked leaving my Father's House，and abandoning my Duty；all the good Counsel of my Parents，my Father's Tears and my Mother's Entreaties came now fresh into my Mind，and my Conscience，which was not yet come to the Pitch of Hardness to which it has been since，reproach'd me with the Contempt of Advice，and the Breach of my Duty to God and my Father.

All this while the Storm encreas'd，and the Sea，which I had never been upon before，went very high，tho' nothing like what I have seen many times since；no，nor like what I saw a few Days after：But it was enough to affect me then，who was but a young Sailor，and had never known any thing of the matter. I expected every Wave would have swallowed us up，and that every time the Ship fell down，as I thought，in the Trough or Hollow of the Sea，we should never rise more；and in this Agony of Mind，I made many Vows and Resolutions，that if it would please God here to spare my Life this one Voyage，if ever I got once my Foot upon dry Land again，I would go directly home to my Father，and never set it into a Ship again while I liv'd；that I would take his Advice，and never run my self into such Miseries as these any more. Now I saw plainly the Goodness of his Observations about the middle Station of Life，how easy，how comfortably he had liv'd all his Days，and never had been expos'd to Tempests at Sea，or Troubles on Shore；and I resolv'd that I would，like a true repenting Prodigal，go home to my Father.

These wise and sober Thoughts continued all the while the Storm continued，and indeed some time after；but the next Day the Wind was abated and the Sea calmer，and I began to be a little inur'd to it：However I was very grave for all that Day，being also a little Sea sick still；but towards Night the Weather clear'd up，the Wind was quite over，and a charming fine Evening follow'd；the Sun went down perfectly clear and rose so the next Morning；and having little or no Wind and a smooth Sea，the Sun shining upon it，the Sight was，as I thought，the most delightful that ever I saw.