第40章

I cannot express what a Satisfaction it was to me，to come into my old Hutch，and lye down in my Hamock-Bed：This little wandring Journey，without settled Place of Abode，had been so unpleasant to me，that my own House，as I call'd it to my self，was a perfect Settlement to me，compar'd to that；and it rendred every Thing about me so comfortable，that I resolv'd I would never go a great Way from it again，while it should be my Lot to stay on the Island.

I repos'd my self here a Week，to rest and regale my self after my long Journey；during which，most of the Time was taken up in the weighty Affair of making a Cage for my Poll，who began now to be a meer Domestick，and to be mighty well acquainted with me. Then I began to think of the poor Kid，which I had penn'd in within my little Circle，and resolv'd to go and fetch it Home，or give it some Food；accordingly I went，and found it where I left it；for indeed it could not get out，but almost starv'd for want of Food：I went and cut Bows of Trees，and Branches of such Shrubs as I could find，and threw it over，and having fed it，I ty'd it as I did before，to lead it away；but it was so tame with being hungry，that I had no need to have ty'd it；for it follow'd me like a Dog；and as I continually fed it，the Creature became so loving，so gentle，and so fond，that it became from that Time one of my Domesticks also，and would never leave me afterwards.

The rainy Season of the Autumnal Equinox was now come，and I kept the 30th of Sept. in the same solemn Manner as before，being the Anniversary of my Landing on the Island，having now been there two Years，and no more Prospect of being deliver'd，than the first Day I came there. I spent the whole Day in humble and thankful Acknowledgments of the many wonderful Mercies which my Solitary Condition was attended with，and without which it might have been infinitely more miserable. I gave humble and hearty Thanks that God had been pleas'd to discover to me，even that it was possible I might be more happy in this Solitary Condition，than I should have been in a Liberty of Society，and in all the Pleasures of the World. That he could fully make up to me，the Deficiencies of my Solitary State，and the want of Humane Society by his Presence，and the Communications of his Grace to my Soul，supporting，comforting，and encouraging me to depend upon his Providence here，and hope for his Eternal Presence hereafter.

It was now that I began sensibly to feel how much more happy this Life I now led was，with all its miserable Circumstances，than the wicked，cursed，abominable Life I led all the past Part of my Days；and now I chang'd both my Sorrows and my Joys；my very Desires alter'd，my Affections chang'd their Gusts，land my Delights were perfectly new，from what they were at my first Coming，or indeed for the two Years past.

Before，as I walk'd about，either on，my Hunting，or for viewing the Country，the Anguish of my Soul at my Condition，would break out upon me on a sudden，and my very Heart would die within me，to think of the Woods，the Mountains，the Desarts I was in；and how I was a Prisoner lock'd up with the Eternal Bars and Bolts of the Ocean，in an uninhabited Wilderness，without Redemption：In the midst of the greatest Composures of my Mind，this would break out upon me like a Storm，and make me wring my Hands，and weep like a Child：Sometimes it would take me in the middle of my Work，and I would immediately sit down and sigh，and look upon the Ground for an Hour or -two together；and this was still worse to me；for if I could burst out into Tears，or vent my self by Words，it would go off，and the Grief having exhausted it self would abate.

But now I began to exercise my self with new Thoughts；I daily read the Word of God，and apply'd all the Comforts of it to my present State：One Morning being very sad，I open'd the Bible upon these Words，I will never，never leave thee，nor forsake thee；immediately it occurr'd，That these Words were to me，Why else should they be directed in such a Manner，just at the Moment when I was mourning over my Condition，as one forsaken of God and Man？ Well then，said I，if God does not forsake me，of what ill Consequence can it be，or what matters it，though the World should all forsake me，seeing on the other Hand，if I had all the World，and should lose the Favour and Blessing of God，there wou'd be no Comparison in the Loss.

From this Moment I began to conclude in my Mind，That it was possible for me to be more happy in this forsaken Solitary Condition，than it was probable I should ever have been in any other Particular State in the World；and with this Thought I was going to give Thanks to God for bringing me to this Place.

I know not what it was，but something shock'd my Mind at that Thought，and I durst not speak the Words：How canst thou be such a Hypocrite，（said I，even audibly） to pretend to be thankful for a Condition，which however thou mav'st endeavour to be contented with，thou would'st rather pray heartily to be deliver'd from；so I stopp'd there：But though I could not say，I thank'd God for being there；yet I sincerely gave Thanks to God for opening my Eyes，by whatever afflicting Providences，to see the former Condition of my Life，and to mourn for my Wickedness，and repent. I never open'd the Bible，or shut it，but my very Soul within me，bless'd God for directing my Friend in England，without any Order of mine，to pack it up among my Goods；and for assisting me afterwards to save it out of the Wreck of the Ship.