第5章

Any one may judge what a Condition I must be in at all his；who was but a young Sailor，and who had been in such Fright before at but a little. But if I can express at this Distance the Thoughts I had about me at that time，I was in tenfold more Horror of Mind upon Account of my former Convictions，and the having returned from them to the Resolutions I had wickedly taken at first，than I was at Death it self；and these added to the Terror of the Storm，put me into such a Condition，that I can by no Words describe it. But the worst was not come yet，the Storm continued with such Fury，that the Seamen themselves acknowledged they had never known a worse. We had a good Ship，but she was deep loaden，and wallowed in the Sea，that the Seamen every now and then cried out，she would founder. It was my Advantage in one respect，that I did not know what they meant by Founder，till I enquir'd. However，the Storm was so violent，that I saw what is not often seen，the Master，the Boat-Swain，and some others more sensible than the rest，at their Prayers，and expecting every Moment when the Ship would go to the Bottom. In the Middle of the Night，and under all the rest of our Distresses，one of the Men that had been down on Purpose to see，cried out we had sprung a Leak；another said there was four Foot Water in the Hold. Then all Hands were called to the Pump. At that very Word my Heart，as I thought，died within me，and I fell backwards upon the Side of my Bed where I sat，into the Cabbin. However，the Men roused me，and told me，that I that was able to do nothing before，was as well able to pump as another；at which I stirr'd up，and went to the Pump and work'd very heartily. While this was doing，the Master seeing some light Colliers，who not able to ride out the Storm，were oblig'd to slip and run away to Sea，and would come near us，ordered to fire a Gun as a Signal of Distress. I who knew nothing what that meant，was so surprised，that I thought the Ship had broke，or some dreadful thing had happen'd. In a word，I was so surprised，that I fell down in a Swoon. As this was a time when every Body had his own Life to think of，no body minded me，or what was become of me；but another Man stept up the Pump，and thrusting me aside with his Foot，let me lye，thinking I had been dead；and it was a great while before I came to my self.

We work'd on，but the Water encreasing in the Hold，it was apparent that the Ship would founder，and tho' the Storm began to abate a little，yet as it was not possible she could swim till we might run into a Port，so the Master continued firing Guns for Help；and a light Ship who had rid it out just a Head of us ventured a Boat out to help us. It was with the utmost Hazard the Boat came near us，but it was impossible for us to get on Board，or for the Boat to lie near the Ship Side，till at last the Men rowing very heartily，and venturing their Lives to save ours，our Men cast them a Rope over the Stern with a Buoy to it，and then vered it out a great Length，which they after great Labour and Hazard took hold of and we hall'd them close under our Stern and got all into their Boat. It was to no Purpose for or us after we were in the Boat to think of reaching to own Ship，so all agreed to let her drive and only to pull her in towards Shore as much as we could，and our Master promised them，That if the Boat was stav'd upon Shore he would make it good to their Master，so partly rowing and partly driving our Boat went away to the Norward sloaping wards the Shore almost as far as Winterton Ness.

We were not much more than a quarter of an Hour out four Ship but we saw her sink，and then I understood for the first time what was meant by a Ship foundering in the Sea；I must acknowledge I had hardly Eyes to look up when he Seamen told me she was sinking；for from that Moment hey rather put me into the Boat than that I might be said to go in，my Heart was as it were dead within me，partly with Fright，partly with Horror of Mind and the Thoughts of what was yet before me.

While we were in this Condition，the Men yet labouring the Oar to bring the Boat near the Shore，we could see，hen our Boat mounting the Waves，we were able to see the Shore，a great many People running along the Shore to assist us when we should come near，but we made but slow way towards the Shore，nor were we able to reach the Shore，till being past the Light-House at Winterton，the Shore falls off to the Westward towards Cromer，and so the Land broke off a little the Violence of the Wind：Here we got in，and tho' not without much Difficulty got all safe on Shore and walk'd afterwards on Foot to Yarmouth，where，as unfortunate Men，we were used with great Humanity as well by the Magistrates of the Town，who assign'd us good Quarters，as by particular Merchants and Owners of Ships，and had Money given us sufficient to carry us either to London or back to Hull，as we thought fit.

Had I now had the Sense to have gone back to Hull，and have gone home，I had been happy，and my Father，an Emblem of our Blessed Saviour's Parable，had even kill'd the fatted Calf for me；for hearing the Ship I went away in was cast away in Yarmouth Road，it was a great while before he had any Assurance that I was not drown'd.

But my ill Fate push'd me on now with an Obstinacy that nothing could resist；and tho' I had several times loud Calls from my Reason and my more composed Judgment to go home，yet I had no Power to do it. I know not what to call this，nor will I urge，that it is a secret over-ruling Decree that hurries us on to be the Instruments of our own Destruction，even tho' it be before us，and that we rush upon it with our Eyes open. Certainly nothing but some such decreed unavoidable Misery attending，and which it was impossible for me to escape，could have push'd me forward against the calm Reasonings and Perswasions of my most retired Thoughts，and against two such visible Instructions as I had met with in my first Attempt.