第70章

When these Thoughts were over，my Head was for some time taken up in considering the Nature of these wretched Creatures；I mean，the Savages；and how it came to pass in the World，that the wise Governour of all Things should give up any of his Creatures to such Inhumanity；nay，to something so much below，even Brutality it self，as to devour its own kind；but as this ended in some （at that Time fruitless） Speculations，it occurr'd to me to enquire，what Part of the World these Wretches liv'd in；how far off the Coast was from whence they came；what they ventur'd over so far from home for；what kind of Boats they had；and why I might not order my self，and my Business so，that I might be as able to go over thither，as they were to come to me.

I never so much as troubl'd my self to consider what I should do with my self，when I came thither；what would become of me，if I fell into the Hands of the Savages；or how I should escape from them，if they attempted me；no，nor so much as how it was possible for me to reach the Coast，and not be attempted by some or other of them，without any Possibility of delivering my self；and if I should not fall into their Hands，what I should do for Provision，or whither I should bend my Course；none of these Thoughts，I say，so much as came in my way；but my Mind was wholly bent upon the Notion of my passing over in my Boat，to the Main Land：I look'd back upon my present Condition，as the most miserable that could possibly be，that I was not able to throw my self into any thing but Death，that could be call'd worse；that if I reached the Shore of the Main，I might perhaps meet with Relief，or I might coast along，as I did on the Shore of Africk，till I came to some inhabited Country，and where I might find some Relief；and after all perhaps，I might fall in with some Christian Ship，that might take me in；and if the worse came to the worst，I could but die，which would put an end to all these Miseries at once. Pray note，all this was the fruit of a disturb'd Mind，an impatient Temper，made as it were desperate by the long Continuance of my Troubles，and the Disappointments I had met in the Wreck，I had been on board of；and where I had been so near the obtaining what I so earnestly long'd for，viz. Some-body to speak to，and to learn some Knowledge from of the Place where I was，and of the probable Means of my Deliverance；I say，I was agitated wholly by these Thoughts：All my Calm of Mind in my Resignation to Providence，and waiting the Issue of the Dispositions of Heaven，seem'd to be suspended；and I had，as it were，no Power to turn my Thoughts to any thing，but to the Project of a Voyage to the Main，which came upon me with such Force，and such an Impetuosity of Desire，that it was not to be resisted.

When this had agitated my Thoughts for two Hours，or more，with such Violence，that it set my very Blood into a Ferment，and my Pulse beat as high as if I had been in a Feaver，meerly with the extraordinary Fervour of my Mind about it；Nature，as if I had been fatigued and exhausted with the very Thought of it，threw me into a sound Sleep；one would have thought，I should have dream'd of it：But I did not，nor of any Thing relating to it；but I dream'd，that as I was going out in the Morning as usual from my Castle，I saw upon the Shore，two Canoes，and eleven Savages coming to Land，and that they brought with them another Savage，who they were going to kill，in Order to eat him；when on a sudden，the Savage that they were going to kill，jumpt away，and ran for his Life；and I thought in my Sleep，that he came running into my little thick Grove，before my Fortification，to hide himself；and that I seeing him alone，and not perceiving that the other sought him that Way，show'd my self to him，and smiling upon him，encourag'd him；that he kneel'd down to me，seeming to pray me to assist him；upon which I shew'd my Ladder，made him go up，and carry'd him into my Cave，and he became my Servant；and that as soon as I had gotten this Man，I said to my self，now I may certainly venture to the main Land；for this Fellow will serve me as a Pilot，and will tell me what to do，and whether to go for Provisions；and whether not to go for fear of being devoured，what Places to venture into，and what to escape：I wak'd with this Thought，and was under such inexpressible Impressions of Joy，at the Prospect of my Escape in my Dream，that the Disappointments which I felt upon coming to my self，and finding it was no more than a Dream，were equally extravagant the other Way，and threw me into a very great Dejection of Spirit.

Upon this however，I made this Conclusion，that my Only Way to go about an Attempt for an Escape，was，if possible，to get a Savage into my Possession；and if possible，it should be one of their Prisoners，who they had condemn'd to be eaten，and should bring thither to kill；but these Thoughts still were attended with this Difficulty，that it was impossible to effect this，without attacking a whole Caravan of them，and killing them all；and this was not only a very desperate Attempt，and might miscarry；but on the other Hand，I had greatly scrupled the Lawfulness of it to me；and my Heart trembled at the thoughts of shedding so much Blood，tho' it was for my Deliverance. I need not repeat the Arguments which occurr'd to me against this，they being the same mention'd before；but tho' I had other Reasons to offer now （viz.） that those Men were Enemies to my Life，and would devour me，if they could；that it was Self-preservation in the highest Degree，to deliver my self from this Death of a Life，and was acting in my own Defence，as much as if they were actually assaulting me，and the like. I say，tho' these Things argued for it，yet the Thoughts of shedding Humane Blood for my Deliverance，were very Terrible to me，and such as I could by no Means reconcile my self to，a great while.