第8章

HOW THE POSSESSOR OF THE DIAMOND IS WHISKED INTO A MAGNIFICENT CHARIOT, AND HAS YET FURTHERGOOD LUCK

I sat on the back seat of the carriage, near a very nice young lady, about my dear Mary's age--that is to say, seventeen and three-quarters; and opposite us sat the old Countess and her other grand-daughter--handsome too, but ten years older.I recollect I had on that day my blue coat and brass buttons, nankeen trousers, a white sprig waist-coat, and one of Dando's silk hats, that had just come in in the year '22, and looked a great deal more glossy than the best beaver.

"And who was that hidjus manster"--that was the way her Ladyship pronounced,--"that ojous vulgar wretch, with the iron heels to his boots, and the big mouth, and the imitation goold neck-chain, who STEERED at us so as we got into the carriage?"How she should have known that Gus's chain was mosaic I can't tell; but so it was, and we had bought it for five-and-twenty and sixpence only the week before at M'Phail's, in St.Paul's Churchyard.But I did not like to hear my friend abused, and so spoke out for him -"Ma'am," says I, "that young gentleman's name is Augustus Hoskins.We live together; and a better or more kind-hearted fellow does not exist.""You are quite right to stand up for your friends, sir," said the second lady; whose name, it appears, was Lady Jane, but whom the grandmamma called Lady Jene.

"Well, upon me conscience, so he is now, Lady Jene; and I like sper't in a young man.So his name is Hoskins, is it? I know, my dears, all the Hoskinses in England.There are the Lincolnshire Hoskinses, the Shropshire Hoskinses: they say the Admiral's daughter, Bell, was in love with a black footman, or boatswain, or some such thing; but the world's so censorious.There's old Doctor Hoskins of Bath, who attended poor dear Drum in the quinsy; and poor dear old Fred Hoskins, the gouty General: I remember him as thin as a lath in the year '84, and as active as aharlequin, and in love with me--oh, how he was in love with me!""You seem to have had a host of admirers in those days, Grandmamma?" said Lady Jane.

"Hundreds, my dear,--hundreds of thousands.I was the toast of Bath, and a great beauty, too: would you ever have thought it now, upon your conscience and without flattery, Mr.-a-What-d'ye-call- 'im?""Indeed, ma'am, I never should," I answered, for the old lady was as ugly as possible; and at my saying this the two young ladies began screaming with laughter, and I saw the two great-whiskered footmen grinning over the back of the carriage.

"Upon my word, you're mighty candid, Mr.What's-your-name--mighty candid indeed; but I like candour in young people.But a beauty I was.Just ask your friend's uncle the General.He's one of the Lincolnshire Hoskinses--I knew he was by the strong family likeness.Is he the eldest son? It's a pretty property, though sadly encumbered; for old Sir George was the divvle of a man--a friend of Hanbury Williams, and Lyttleton, and those horrid, monstrous, ojous people! How much will he have now, mister, when the Admiral dies?""Why, ma'am, I can't say; but the Admiral is not my friend's father." "Not his father?--but he IS, I tell you, and I'm never wrong.Who ishis father, then?"

"Ma'am, Gus's father's a leatherseller in Skinner Street, Snow Hill,--a very respectable house, ma'am.But Gus is only third son, and so can't expect a great share in the property."The two young ladies smiled at this--the old lady said, "Hwat?""I like you, sir," Lady Jane said, "for not being ashamed of your friends, whatever their rank of life may be.Shall we have the pleasure of setting you down anywhere, Mr.Titmarsh?""Noways particular, my Lady," says I."We have a holiday at our office to-day--at least Roundhand gave me and Gus leave; and I shall be very happy, indeed, to take a drive in the Park, if it's no offence.""I'm sure it will give us--infinite pleasure," said Lady Jane; though rather in a grave way.

"Oh, that it will!" says Lady Fanny, clapping her hands:"won't it,Grandmamma? And after we have been in the Park, we can walk in Kensington Gardens, if Mr.Titmarsh will be good enough to accompany us.""Indeed, Fanny, we will do no such thing," says Lady Jane.

"Indeed, but we will though!" shrieked out Lady Drum."Ain't I dying to know everything about his uncle and thirteen aunts? and you're all chattering so, you young women, that not a blessed syllable will you allow me or my young friend here to speak."Lady Jane gave a shrug with her shoulders, and did not say a single word more.Lady Fanny, who was as gay as a young kitten (if I may be allowed so to speak of the aristocracy), laughed, and blushed, and giggled, and seemed quite to enjoy her sister's ill-humour.And the Countess began at once, and entered into the history of the thirteen Misses Hoggarty, which was not near finished when we entered the Park.

When there, you can't think what hundreds of gents on horseback came to the carriage and talked to the ladies.They had their joke for Lady Drum, who seemed to be a character in her way; their bow for Lady Jane; and, the young ones especially, their compliment for Lady Fanny.