第84章

"No, no, I won't, but I curse myself.I have been waiting for this chance to tell you.I don't want you to think too badly of me.This thing began in Hickey's saloon some days before that night.He was playing some fellows from the camp a skin game.I called him down and he challenged me.I took him up, and cleaned him out easily enough.You know my old weakness.The fever came back upon me, and Igot going for some days.That night I was called to visit a sick girl at Nancy's.The gang came in, found me there, and throwing down their money dared me to play.Well, I knew it was play or fight.Itook of my coat and went for them.They cleaned me out, I can't tell how.I could not get on to their trick.Then, determined to find out, I put up that--that other money, you know--and I was losing it fast, too, when you came in."As Shock listened to The Don's story his face grew brighter and brighter.

"My dear fellow," he said in a tone of relief, "is that all? Is that the whole thing? Tell me, as God hears you!""That's the whole story, as God hears me!" said The Don solemnly.

"Oh, thank God!" said Shock."I thought--I was afraid--" He paused, unable to go on.

"What! You thought I had forgotten," cried The Don."Well, I confess things did look bad.But I want to tell you I am clean, and may God kill me before I can forget! No, no woman shall ever touch my lips while I live.Do you believe me, Shock?"Shock put out his hand.He was still too much moved to speak.

At length he said: "Nothing else matters, Don.I could not bear the other thing."For some minutes the friends sat in silence.

"But, Don," said Shock at length, "you can not go on this way.Your whole life is being ruined.You cannot draw off from God.You have been keeping Him at arm's length.This will not do.""It is no use, Shock," said The Don bitterly."My head is all right.

I believe with you.But I cannot get over the feeling I have for that--" He broke off suddenly.

"I know, I know.I feel it, too, old chap, but after all, it is not worth while.And besides, Don, forgive me saying this--if it had not been true about you he could not have hurt you, could he?"The Don winced.

"I am not excusing him, nor blaming you," continued Shock eagerly, "but a man has got to be honest.Isn't that right?""Oh, yes, it is true enough, Shock.I was a beast, as you know, at that time in my life, but I had put it all past me, and I believed that God had forgiven me.And then those two raked it all up again, and broke my darling's heart, and drove me away, an outcast.He is a minister of the gospel, and she is a member of the Christian Church.""Don," said Shock gravely, "that won't do.You are not fair."The door opened quietly, and the nurse came in and sat down out of Shock's sight behind the bed.

"Now, Don, I want you to read for me that tale of the Pharisee and the woman who was a sinner.For my sake, mind you, as well as for yours, for I was wrong, too, on this matter.I confess I hated him, for I cannot help thinking that he has done me a great wrongs and Ihave found it hard enough to say the Lord's Prayer.Perhaps you had better read this letter so that you may understand."He took from under his pillow Mrs.Fairbanks' letter and gave it to The Don, who read it in silence.Poor Shock! He was opening up wounds that none had ever seen, or even suspected, and the mere uncovering of them brought him keen anguish and humiliation.