第5章

II.June 1.

LAST Sunday Dr.Cabot preached to the young.He first addressed those who knew they did not love God.It did not seem to me that I belonged to that class.Then he spoke to those who knew they did.I felt sure I was not one of those.Last of all he spoke affectionately to those who did not know what to think, and I was frightened and ashamed to feel tears running down my cheeks, when he said that he believed that most of his hearers who were in this doubtful state did really love their Master, only their love was something as new and as tender and perhaps as unobserved as the tiny point of green that, forcing its way through the earth, is yet unconscious of its own existence, but promises a thrifty plant.I don't suppose I express it very well, but I know what he meant.He then invited those belonging to each class to meet him on three successive Saturday afternoons.I shall certainly go.

July 19.-I went to the meeting, and so did Amelia.A great many young people were there and a few children.Dr.Cabot went about from seat to seat speaking to each one separately.When he came to us Iexpected he would say something about the way in which I had been brought up, and reproach me for not profiting more by the instructions and example I had at home.Instead of that he said, in a cheerful voice, "Well, my dear, I cannot see into your heart and positively tell whether there is love to God there or not.But I suppose you have come here to-day in order to let me help you to find out?"I said, "Yes"; that was all I could get out.

"Let me see, then," he went on."Do you love your mother?"I said "Yes," once more.

"But prove to me that you do.How do you know it?"I tried to think.Then I said, "I feel that I love her.I love to love her, I like to be with her.Ilike to hear people praise her.And I try--sometimes at least--to do things to please her.But I don't try half as hard as I ought, and Ido and say a great many things to displease her.""Yes, yes," he said, "I know."

"Has mother told you?" I cried out.

"No, dear, no indeed.But I know what human nature is after having one of my own fifty years, and six of my children's to encounter."Somehow I felt more courage after he said that.

"In the first place, then, you feel that you love your mother? But you never feel that you love your God and Saviour?""I often try, and try, but I never do," I said.

"Love won't be forced," he said, quickly.

"Then what shall I do?"

"In the second place, you like to be with your mother.But you never like to be with the Friend who loves you so much better than she does?""I don't know, I never was with Him.Sometimes I think that when Mary sat at His feet and heard Him talk, she must have been very happy.""We come to the third test, then.You like to hear people praise your mother.And have you ever rejoiced to hear the Lord magnified?"I shook my head sorrowfully enough.

"Let us then try the last test.You know you love your mother because you try to do things to please her.That is to do what you know she wishes you to do? Very well.Have you never tried to do anything God wishes you to do?" "Oh yes; often.But not so often as I ought.""Of course not.No one does that.But come now, why do you try to do what you think will please Him? Because it is easy? Because you like to do what He likes rather than what you like yourself?"I tried to think, and got puzzled.

"Never mind," said Dr.Cabot, " I have come now to the point I was aiming at.You cannot prove to yourself that you love God by examining your feelings towards Him.They are indefinite and they fluctuate.But just as far as you obey Him, just so far, depend upon it, you love Him.It is not natural to us sinful, ungrateful human beings to prefer His pleasure to our own, or to follow His way instead of our own way, and nothing, nothing but love to Him can or does make us obedient to Him.""Couldn't we obey Him from fear ?"Amelia now asked.She had been listening all this time in silence.

"Yes; and so you might obey your mother from fear, but only for a season.If you had no real love for her you would gradually cease to dread her displeasure, whereas it is in the very nature of love to grow stronger and more influential every hour.""You mean, then, that if we want to know whether we love God, we must find out whether we are obeying Him?" Amelia asked.

"I mean exactly that.'He that keepeth my commandments he it is that loveth me.' But I cannot talk with you any longer now.There are many others still waiting.You can come to see me some day next week, if you have any more questions to ask."When we got out into the street, Amelia and I got hold of each other's hands.We did not speak a word till we reached the door, but we knew that we were as good friends as ever.

"I understand all Dr.Cabot said," Amelia whispered, as we separated.

But I felt like one in a fog.I cannot see how it is possible to love God, and yet feel as stupid as I do when I think of Him.Still, I am determined to do one thing, and that is to pray, regularly instead of now and then, as I have got the habit of doing lately.

July 25.- School has closed for the season.I took the first prize for drawing, and my composition was read aloud on examination day, and everybody praised it.Mother could not possibly help showing, in her face, that she was very much pleased.I am pleased myself.We are now getting ready to take a journey.I do not think I shall go to see Dr.Cabot again.My head is so full of other things, and there is so much to do before we go.I am having four new dresses made, and Ican't imagine how to have them trimmed.I mean to run down to Amelia's and ask her.

July 27.-I was rushing through the hall just after I wrote that, and met mother.

"I am going to Amelia's," I said, hurrying past her.

"Stop one minute, dear.Dr.Cabot is downstairs.He says he has been expecting a visit from you, and that as you did not come to him, he has come to you.""I wish he would mind his own business," I said.