第132章

`The tying up -- the fixing oneself with a wife,' replied Mr Folair.

`It don't take long, does it?'

`No, sir,' replied Mr Lillyvick, colouring. `It does not take long.

And what then, sir?'

`Oh! nothing,' said the actor. `It don't take a man long to hang himself, either, eh? ha, ha!'

Mr Lillyvick laid down his knife and fork, and looked round the table with indignant astonishment.

`To hang himself!' repeated Mr Lillyvick.

A profound silence came upon all, for Mr Lillyvick was dignified beyond expression.

`To hang himself!' cried Mr Lillyvick again. `Is any parallel attempted to be drawn in this company between matrimony and hanging?'

`The noose, you know,' said Mr Folair, a little crest-fallen.

`The noose, sir?' retorted Mr Lillyvick. `Does any man dare to speak to me of a noose, and Henrietta Pe--'

`Lillyvick,' suggested Mr Crummles.

`--And Henrietta Lillyvick in the same breath?' said the collector.

`In this house, in the presence of Mr and Mrs Crummles, who have brought up a talented and virtuous family, to be blessings and phenomenons, and what not, are we to hear talk of nooses?'

`Folair,' said Mr Crummles, deeming it a matter of decency to be affected by this allusion to himself and partner, `I'm astonished at you.'

`What are you going on in this way at me for?' urged the unfortunate actor. `What have I done?'

`Done, sir!' cried Mr Lillyvick, `aimed a blow at the whole frame-work of society--'

`And the best and tenderest feelings,' added Crummles, relapsing into the old man.

`And the highest and most estimable of social ties,' said the collector.

`Noose! As if one was caught, trapped into the married state, pinned by the leg, instead of going into it of one's own accord and glorying in the act!'

`I didn't mean to make it out, that you were caught and trapped, and pinned by the leg,' replied the actor. `I'm sorry for it; I can't say any more.'

`So you ought to be, sir,' returned Mr Lillyvick; `and I am glad to hear that you have enough of feeling left to be so.'

The quarrel appearing to terminate with this reply, Mrs Lillyvick considered that the fittest occasion (the attention of the company being no longer distracted) to burst into tears, and require the assistance of all four bridesmaids, which was immediately rendered, though not without some confusion, for the room being small and the table-cloth long, a whole detachment of plates were swept off the board at the very first move. Regardless of this circumstance, however, Mrs Lillyvick refused to be comforted until the belligerents had passed their words that the dispute should be carried no further, which, after a sufficient show of reluctance, they did, and from that time Mr Folair sat in moody silence, contenting himself with pinching Nicholas's leg when anything was said, and so expressing his contempt both for the speaker and the sentiments to which he gave utterance.