第15章 THE THIRD ACT(1)

SCENE:- A room in the Town Hall, Poplar. A high, bare, cold room, unfurnished except for cane-bottomed chairs ranged against the walls. French windows right give on to a balcony overlooking the street. Door in back opens upon a stone passage. A larger door opens into another room, through which one passes to reach the room in which the counting of the votes is taking place. A fire burns--or rather tries to burn. The room is lighted from the centre of the ceiling by an electric sun. A row of hat-pegs is on the wall between the two doors. The time is about 9 p.m.

[People entering from the street wear coats or cloaks, &c., the season being early spring. If passing through or staying in the room, they take off their outdoor things and hang them up, putting them on again before going out.]

[JAWBONES is coaxing the reluctant fire by using a newspaper as a blower. He curses steadily under his breath. The door opens.

GINGER enters; she is dressed in cheap furs.]

JAWBONES Shut the door, can't yer!

GINGER Don't yer want a draught?

JAWBONES No, I don't. Not any more than I've got.

GINGER [She shuts the door.] 'Ave they begun counting the votes?

JAWBONES Been at it for the last three-quarters of an hour.

GINGER Who's going to win?

JAWBONES One of 'em.

[LADY MOGTON has entered. She has come from the room where they are counting the votes.]

Shut that door! [He glances over his shoulder, sees his mistake.]

Beg pardon! [To himself.] Thought 'twas the other fool!

LADY MOGTON [She shuts the door. To GINGER.] Have you seen Mrs.

Chilvers?

GINGER Not since the afternoon, your ladyship.

LADY MOGTON She is coming, I suppose?

GINGER I think so, your ladyship.

LADY MOGTON It's very cold in here, Gordon.

JAWBONES Yes, my lady. Not what I call a cosy room.

LADY MOGTON [To GINGER.] Jump into a cab. See if you can find her. Perhaps she has been detained at one of the committee-rooms.

Tell her she ought to be here.

GINGER Yes, your ladyship. [She crosses, opens door.]

JAWBONES Shut the door.

GINGER Oh, shut -[She finds herself face to face with a MESSENGER carrying a ballot-box.]

I beg yer pardon! [She goes out, closes door.]

LADY MOGTON [To the MESSENGER.] Is that the last?

MESSENGER Generally is. Isle of Dogs!

[He goes into the other room.]

LADY MOGTON [To JAWBONES.] Do you know where Mr. Chilvers is?

[There comes a bloodthirsty yell from the crowd outside.]

JAWBONES Not unless that's 'im. [He finishes for the time being with the fire. Rises.]

[JANET enters.]

LADY MOGTON Was that you they were yelling at?

JANET No, it's Mr. Sigsby.

[Another yell is heard. Out of it a shrill female voice--"Mind 'is fice; yer spoiling it!"]

The Woman's Laundry Union have taken such a strong dislike to him.

[A final yell. Then a voice: "That's taken some of the starch out of him!" followed by a shriek of laughter.]

JAWBONES 'E only suggested as 'ow there was enough old washerwomen in Parliament as it was.

LADY MOGTON A most unnecessary remark. It will teach him -[SIGSBY enters, damaged. His appearance is comic. LADY MOGTONmakes no effort to repress a grim smile.]

SIGSBY Funny, ain't it?

LADY MOGTON I am sorry.

SIGSBY [He snarls.] "The Mother's Hand shall Help Us!" One of your posters, I think.

LADY MOGTON You shouldn't have insulted them--calling them old washerwomen!

SIGSBY Insult! Can't one indulge in a harmless jeu d'esprit--[he pronounces it according to his own ideas]--without having one's clothes torn off one's back? [Fiercely.] What do you mean by it--disgracing your sex?

LADY MOGTON Are you addressing me?

SIGSBY All of you. Upsetting the foundations upon which society has been reared--the natural and lawful subjection of the woman to the man. Why don't you read St. Paul?

LADY MOGTON St. Paul was addressing Christians. When men behave like Christians there will be no need of Votes for Women. You read St. Paul on men. [To JANET.] I shall want you!

[She goes out, followed by JANET.]

[SIGSBY gives vent to a gesture.]

JAWBONES Getting saucy, ain't they?

SIGSBY Over-indulgence. That's what the modern woman is suffering from. Gets an idea on Monday that she'd like the whole world altered; if it isn't done by Saturday, raises hell! Where's the guv'nor?

JAWBONES Hasn't been here.

SIGSBY [Hands JAWBONES his damaged hat.] See if they can do anything to that. If not, get me a new one. [He forks out a sovereign.] Sure to be some shops open in the High Street. [LAMBand ST. HERBERT enter.]

LAMB Hallo! have they been mauling you?

SIGSBY [He snatches the damaged hat from JAWBONES, to hand it back the next moment; holds it out.] Woman's contribution to politics.

Get me a collar at the same time--sixteen and a half.

[JAWBONES takes his cap and goes out. The men hang up their overcoats.]

SIGSBY Where's it all going to end? That's what I want to know!

ST. HERBERT Where most things end. In the millennium, according to its advocates. In the ruin of the country, according to its opponents. In mild surprise on the part of the next generation that ever there was any fuss about it.

SIGSBY In amazement, you mean, that their fathers were so blind as not to see where it was leading. My boy, this is going to alter the whole relationship between the sexes!

ST. HERBERT Is it so perfect as it is?

[A silence.]

Might it not be established on a more workable, a more enduring basis if woman were allowed a share in the shaping of it?

[Some woman in the crowd starts the refrain, "We'll hang old Asquith on a sour apple tree." It is taken up with quiet earnestness by others.]

SIGSBY Shaping it! Nice sort of shape it will be by the time that lot [with a gesture, including the crowd, LADY MOGTON & Co.] have done knocking it about. Wouldn't be any next generation to be surprised at anything if some of them had their way.

ST. HERBERT The housebreakers come first--not a class of work demanding much intelligence; the builders come later. Have you seen Chilvers?

LAMB I left him at the House. He couldn't get away.

SIGSBY There's your object-lesson for you. We don't need to go far. A man's whole career ruined by the wife he nourishes.