第13章
OUR GRAND PROJECT.
AT the end of the fifth week of our guest's stay, among the letters which the morning's post brought to The Glen Tower there was one for me, from my son George, in the Crimea.
The effect which this letter produced in our little circle renders it necessary that I should present it here, to speak for itself.
This is what I read alone in my own room:
"MY DEAREST FATHER--After the great public news of the fall of Sebastopol, have you any ears left for small items of private intelligence from insignificant subaltern officers? Prepare, if you have, for a sudden and a startling announcement.How shall Iwrite the words? How shall I tell you that I am really coming home?
"I have a private opportunity of sending this letter, and only a short time to write it in; so I must put many things, if I can, into few words.The doctor has reported me fit to travel at last, and I leave, thanks to the privilege of a wounded man, by the next ship.The name of the vessel and the time of starting are on the list which I inclose.I have made all my calculations, and, allowing for every possible delay, I find that I shall be with you, at the latest, on the first of November--perhaps some days earlier.
"I am far too full of my return, and of something else connected with it which is equally dear to me, to say anything about public affairs, more especially as I know that the newspapers must, by this time, have given you plenty of information.Let me fill the rest of this paper with a subject which is very near to my heart--nearer, I am almost ashamed to say, than the great triumph of my countrymen, in which my disabled condition has prevented me from taking any share.
"I gathered from your last letter that Miss Yelverton was to pay you a visit this autumn, in your capacity of her guardian.If she is already with you, pray move heaven and earth to keep her at The Glen Tower till I come back.Do you anticipate my confession from this entreaty? My dear, dear father, all my hopes rest on that one darling treasure which you are guarding perhaps, at this moment, under your own roof--all my happiness depends on making Jessie Yelverton my wife.
"If I did not sincerely believe that you will heartily approve of my choice, I should hardly have ventured on this abrupt confession.Now that I have made it, let me go on and tell you why I have kept my attachment up to this time a secret from every one--even from Jessie herself.(You see I call her by her Christian name already!)"I should have risked everything, father, and have laid my whole heart open before her more than a year ago, but for the order which sent our regiment out to take its share in this great struggle of the Russian war.No ordinary change in my life would have silenced me on the subject of all others of which I was most anxious to speak; but this change made me think seriously of the future; and out of those thoughts came the resolution which Ihave kept until this time.For her sake, and for her sake only, Iconstrained myself to leave the words unspoken which might have made her my promised wife.I resolved to spare her the dreadful suspense of waiting for her betrothed husband till the perils of war might, or might not, give him back to her.I resolved to save her from the bitter grief of my death if a bullet laid me low.Iresolved to preserve her from the wretched sacrifice of herself if I came back, as many a brave man will come back from this war, invalided for life.Leaving her untrammeled by any engagement, unsuspicious perhaps of my real feelings toward her, I might die, and know that, by keeping silence, I had spared a pang to the heart that was dearest to me.This was the thought that stayed the words on my lips when I left England, uncertain whether Ishould ever come back.If I had loved her less dearly, if her happiness had been less precious to me, I might have given way under the hard restraint I imposed on myself, and might have spoken selfishly at the last moment.
"And now the time of trial is past; the war is over; and, although I still walk a little lame, I am, thank God, in as good health and in much better spirits than when I left home.Oh, father, if I should lose her now--if I should get no reward for sparing her but the bitterest of all disappointments! Sometimes Iam vain enough to think that I made some little impression on her; sometimes I doubt if she has a suspicion of my love.She lives in a gay world--she is the center of perpetual admiration--men with all the qualities to win a woman's heart are perpetually about her--can I, dare I hope? Yes, I must! Only keep her, I entreat you, at The Glen Tower.In that quiet world, in that freedom from frivolities and temptations, she will listen to me as she might listen nowhere else.Keep her, my dearest, kindest father--and, above all things, breathe not a word to her of this letter.I have surely earned the privilege of being the first to open her eyes to the truth.She must know nothing, now that I am coming home, till she knows all from my own lips."Here the writing hurriedly broke off.I am only giving myself credit for common feeling, I trust, when I confess that what Iread deeply affected me.I think I never felt so fond of my boy, and so proud of him, as at the moment when I laid down his letter.
As soon as I could control my spirits, I began to calculate the question of time with a trembling eagerness, which brought back to my mind my own young days of love and hope.My son was to come back, at the latest, on the first of November, and Jessie's allotted six weeks would expire on the twenty-second of October.
Ten days too soon! But for the caprice which had brought her to us exactly that number of days before her time she would have been in the house, as a matter of necessity, on George's return.