第8章 爱成就自信
Butterfly Kisses
佚名/Anonymous
“你今天真漂亮。”每天早晨，新婚的丈夫都会对我说这句话。
只要照一下镜子，我就会知道此话与事实相去甚远。
镜中的我很瘦，笑吟吟地望着镜子。头发杂乱，没有化妆，而且我还感到自己早晨的口气并不清新。
“骗人。”我大声地喊道，笑了。
我通常都是这样的反应。母亲的第一个丈夫很粗暴，他言语和肢体上的凌虐使母亲和她的两个孩子不得不离开，去寻找一个安全的地方。一天，这个男人拿着玫瑰花来到母亲家门前。进门后，他却用玫瑰花狠狠地殴打她，并占了她的便宜。9个月后，母亲生下一个重9英磅13盎司的女婴，那就是我。
从小到大，我所听到的那些刻薄言语逐渐在我心中扎了根，因此我很难把自己看成一个有用的人。结婚两年后，丈夫拥抱着我，说我很漂亮，对此，我感到很意外。
我说：“谢谢你。”
镜中的我还是那个瘦瘦的、有着黑褐色头发的女孩，但不管怎样，那句温暖的话语最终在我心中开了花。
多年过去了，丈夫的头发已变得花白，我也不再那么瘦弱。上星期的一个早晨，醒来时我发现丈夫正与我脸对脸，我们靠得那么近，不过几英寸。
我问道：“你在干什么？”
我捂住嘴，不想让他闻到早晨我那并不清新的口气。他低下头吻了我的脸。
“做我每天都做的事。”他回答说。
每天早晨我还在睡觉的时候，丈夫就要离开家，所以我们早晨根本没有时间交谈，可是我从不知道他每天早晨都会对我说他爱我，哪怕当时我还在熟睡之中。他走后，我打了个滚儿，抱着枕头，想象着自己张着嘴轻轻打鼾的样子，忍不住笑了。
这是一个怎样的男人啊！他了解我的过去，并一直陪在我身边，看着我从一个自卑的女孩成长为一个自信的女人、一位母亲，同时也是一位成功的演说家和作家。
然而，我并不知道他是否清楚自己在我这一系列的蜕变中所扮演的角色。从小到大，那些刻薄的话曾深深刺痛我的灵魂，而他的话对我的触动更大。
我打算今年的结婚纪念日早点起床，我想告诉理查德我有多爱他。他可能会在照镜子时，发现自己又重了一磅或两磅，或是希望某天他的头发能重新变黑变卷；而我所看到的他，永远是那个能看透我、发现连我自己都无法看到的优点的人，那个甚至在结婚23年后每天依然给我轻轻的吻的人。
My newlywed husband said the same thing every morning. "You're beautiful today."
One glance in the mirror revealed that it was far from the truth.
A skinny girl with mashed hair on one side of her head and no makeup smiled back at me.I could feel my sticky morning breath.
"Liar." I shot back with a grin.
It was my usual response.My mother's first husband was not a kind man and his verbal and physical abuse forced her and her two children to find a safe place.He showed up on her doorstep one day with roses.She let him in and he beat her with those roses and took advantage of her.Nine months later she gave birth to a 9 lb.13 oz.baby girl—me.
The harsh words we heard growing up took root.I had trouble seeing myself as someone of value.I had been married two years when I surprised myself.My husband wrapped his arms around me and told me I was beautiful.
"Thank you." I said.
The same thin girl with the mousy brown hair still stared back at me in the mirror， but somehow the words had finally blossomed in my heart.
A lot of years have passed.My husband has grey in his hair.I'm no longer skinny.Last week I woke up and my husband's face was inches from mine.
"What are you doing？" I asked.
I covered my mouth， trying to hide my morning breath.He reached down and kissed my face.
"What I do every morning." he said.
He leaves in the early hours of the morning while I sleep.I miss our morning conversations， but I had not realized that he continued to tell me that he loved me even while I slept.When he left， I rolled over and hugged my pillow.I envisaged the picture of me lightly snoring with my mouth open and giggled.
What a man！ My husband understands my past.He's been beside me as I've grown from an unsure young girl to a confident woman， mother， speaker and author.
But I'm not sure that he understands the part he played in that transition.The words I heard growing up pierced my soul， yet his words pierced even deeper.
This Anniversary Day I plan to wake early.I wants to tell Richard how much I love him.He may look in the mirror and see an extra pound or two， or wish for the day when his hair was dark and curly， but all I'll see is the man who saw something in me when I couldn't see it myself， and who leaves butterfly kisses， even after twenty-three years of marriage.