第22章 DUELL

From my own Apartment,November 11.

I had several hints and advertisements from unknown hands,that some,who are enemies to my labours,design to demand the fashionable way of satisfaction for the disturbance my Lucubrations have given them.I confess,as things now stand,I do not know how to deny such inviters,and am preparing myself accordingly.I have bought pumps and foils,and am every morning practising in my chamber.My neighbour,the dancing-master,has demanded of me why Itake this liberty,since I would not allow it him?but I answered,"His was an act of an indifferent nature,and mine of necessity."My late treatises against duels have so far disobliged the fraternity of the noble science of defence,that I can get none of them to show me so much as one pass.I am,therefore,obliged to learn by book;and have accordingly several volumes,wherein all the postures are exactly delineated.I must confess I am shy of letting people see me at this exercise,because of my flannel waistcoat,and my spectacles,which I am forced to fix on,the better to observe the posture of the enemy.

I have upon my chamber-walls drawn at full length the figures of all sorts of men,from eight foot to three foot two inches.Within this height,I take it,that all the fighting men of Great Britain are comprehended.But,as I push,I make allowances for my being of a lank and spare body,and have chalked out in every figure my own dimensions:for I scorn to rob any man of his life,or to take advantage of his breadth:therefore,I press purely in a line down from his nose,and take no more of him to assault than he has of me:

for,to speak impartially,if a lean fellow wounds a fat one in any part to the right or left,whether it be in carte or in tierce,beyond the dimensions of the said lean fellow's own breadth,I take it to be murder,and such a murder as is below a gentleman to commit.As I am spare,I am also very tall,and behave myself with relation to that advantage with the same punctilio;and I am ready to stoop or stand,according to the stature of my adversary.I must confess I have had great success this morning,and have hit every figure round the room in a mortal part,without receiving the least hurt,except a little scratch by falling on my face,in pushing at one at the lower end of my chamber;but I recovered so quick,and jumped so nimbly into my guard,that,if he had been alive,he could not have hurt me.It is confessed I have writ against duels with some warmth;but in all my discourses I have not ever said that I knew how a gentleman could avoid a duel if he were provoked to it;and since that custom is now become a law,I know nothing but the legislative power,with new animadversions upon it,can put us in a capacity of denying challenges,though we are afterwards hanged for it.But,no more of this at present.As things stand,I shall put up no more affronts;and I shall be so far from taking ill words,that I will not take ill looks.I therefore,warn all hot young fellows not to look hereafter more terrible than their neighbours:

for,if they stare at me with their hats cocked higher than other people,I will not bear it.Nay,I give warning to all people in general to look kindly at me,for I will bear no frowns,even from ladies;and if any woman pretends to look scornfully at me,I shall demand satisfaction of the next of kin of the masculine gender.