第26章 CHAPTER VII.(1)

Ellinor was awakened by a rapping at her door:it was her maid.

She was fully aroused in a moment,for she had fallen asleep with one clearly defined plan in her mind,only one,for all thoughts and cares having no relation to the terrible event were as though they had never been.All her purpose was to shield her father from suspicion.And to do this she must control herself--heart,mind,and body must be ruled to this one end.

So she said to Mason:

"Let me lie half an hour longer;and beg Miss Monro not to wait breakfast for me;but in half an hour bring me up a cup of strong tea,for I have a bad headache."Mason went away.Ellinor sprang up;rapidly undressed herself,and got into bed again,so that when her maid returned with her breakfast,there was no appearance of the night having been passed in any unusual manner.

"How ill you do look,miss!"said Mason."I am sure you had better not get up yet."Ellinor longed to ask if her father had yet shown himself;but this question--so natural at any other time--seemed to her so suspicious under the circumstances,that she could not bring her lips to frame it.At any rate,she must get up and struggle to make the day like all other days.So she rose,confessing that she did not feel very well,but trying to make light of it,and when she could think of anything but the one awe,to say a trivial sentence or two.But she could not recollect how she behaved in general,for her life hitherto had been simple,and led without any consciousness of effect.

Before she was dressed,a message came up to say that Mr.Livingstone was in the drawing-room.

Mr.Livingstone!He belonged to the old life of yesterday!The billows of the night had swept over his mark on the sands of her memory;and it was only by a strong effort that she could remember who he was--what he wanted.She sent Mason down to inquire from the servant who admitted him whom it was that he had asked for.

"He asked for master first.But master has not rung for his water yet,so James told him he was not up.Then he took thought for a while,and asked could he speak to you,he would wait if you were not at liberty but that he wished particular to see either master,or you.So James asked him to sit down in the drawing-room,and he would let you know.""I must go,"thought Ellinor."I will send him away directly;to come,thinking of marriage to a house like this--to-day,too!"And she went down hastily,and in a hard unsparing mood towards a man,whose affection for her she thought was like a gourd,grown up in a night,and of no account,but as a piece of foolish,boyish excitement.

She never thought of her own appearance--she had dressed without looking in the glass.Her only object was to dismiss her would-be suitor as speedily as possible.All feelings of shyness,awkwardness,or maiden modesty,were quenched and overcome.In she went.

He was standing by the mantelpiece as she entered.He made a step or two forward to meet her;and then stopped,petrified,as it were,at the sight of her hard white face.

"Miss Wilkins,I am afraid you are ill!I have come too early.But I have to leave Hamley in half an hour,and I thought--Oh,Miss Wilkins!what have I done?"For she sank into the chair nearest to her,as if overcome by his words;but,indeed,it was by the oppression of her own thoughts:

she was hardly conscious of his presence.

He came a step or two nearer,as if he longed to take her in his arms and comfort and shelter her;but she stiffened herself and arose,and by an effort walked towards the fireplace,and there stood,as if awaiting what he would say next.But he was overwhelmed by her aspect of illness.He almost forgot his own wishes,his own suit,in his desire to relieve her from the pain,physical as he believed it,under which she was suffering.It was she who had to begin the subject.

"I received your letter yesterday,Mr.Livingstone.I was anxious to see you to-day,in order that I might prevent you from speaking to my father.I do not say anything of the kind of affection you can feel for me--me,whom you have only seen once.All I shall say is,that the sooner we both forget what I must call folly,the better."She took the airs of a woman considerably older and more experienced than himself.He thought her haughty;she was only miserable.

"You are mistaken,"said he,more quietly and with more dignity than was likely from his previous conduct."I will not allow you to characterise as folly what might be presumptuous on my part--I had no business to express myself so soon--but which in its foundation was true and sincere.That I can answer for most solemnly.It is possible,though it may not be a usual thing,for a man to feel so strongly attracted by the charms and qualities of a woman,even at first sight,as to feel sure that she,and she alone,can make his happiness.My folly consisted--there you are right--in even dreaming that you could return my feelings in the slightest degree,when you had only seen me once:and I am most truly ashamed of myself.Icannot tell you how sorry I am,when I see how you have compelled yourself to come and speak to me when you are so ill."She staggered into a chair,for with all her wish for his speedy dismissal,she was obliged to be seated.His hand was upon the bell.

"No,don't!"she said."Wait a minute."

His eyes,bent upon her with a look of deep anxiety,touched her at that moment,and she was on the point of shedding tears;but she checked herself,and rose again.

"I will go,"said he."It is the kindest thing I can do.Only,may I write?May I venture to write and urge what I have to say more coherently?""No!"said she."Don't write.I have given you my answer.We are nothing,and can be nothing to each other.I am engaged to be married.I should not have told you if you had not been so kind.

Thank you.But go now."

The poor young man's face fell,and he became almost as white as she was for the instant.After a moment's reflection,he took her hand in his,and said: