第6章 吉檀迦利(4)
O bstinate are the trammels， but my heart aches when I try to break them.
Freedom is all I want， but to hope for it I feel ashamed.
I am certain that priceless wealth is in thee， and that thou art my best friend， but I have not the heart to sweep away the tinsel that flls my room.
The shroud that covers me is a shroud of dust and death； I hate it， yet hug it in love.
My debts are large， my failures great， my shame secret and heavy； yet when I come to ask for my good， I quake in fear lest my prayer be granted.
29
被我用我的名字囚禁起来的那个人，在监牢中哭泣。我每天不停地筑着围墙；当这道围墙高起接天的时候，我的真我便被高墙的黑影遮断不见了。
我以这道高墙自豪，我用沙土把它抹严，唯恐在这名字上还留着一丝罅隙，我煞费了苦心，我也看不见了真我。
He whom I enclose with my name is weeping in this dungeon. I am ever busy building this wall all around； and as this wall goes up into the sky day by day I lose sight of my true being in its dark shadow.
I take pride in this great wall， and I plaster it with dust and sand lest a least hole should be left in this name； and for all the care I take I lose sight of my true being.
30
我独自去赴幽会，是谁在暗寂中跟着我呢？
我走开躲他，但是我逃不掉。
他昂首阔步，使地上尘土飞扬；我说出的每一个字里，都掺杂着他的喊叫。
他就是我的小我，我的主，他恬不知耻；但和他一同到你门前，我却感到羞愧。
I came out alone on my way to my tryst. But who is this that follows me in the silent dark？
I move aside to avoid his presence but I escape him not.
He makes the dust rise from the earth with his swagger； he adds his loud voice to every word that I utter.
He is my own little self， my lord， he knows no shame； but I am ashamed to come to thy door in his company.
31
“囚人，告诉我，谁把你捆起来的？”
“是我的主人，”囚人说，“我以为我的财富与权力胜过世界上一切的人，我把我的国王的钱财聚敛在自己的宝库里。我昏困不过，睡在我主的床上，一觉醒来，我发现我在自己的宝库里做了囚人。”
“囚人，告诉我，是谁铸的这条坚牢的锁链？”
“是我，”囚人说，“是我自己用心铸造的，我以为我无敌的权力会征服世界，使我有无碍的自由。我日夜用烈火重锤打造了这条铁链。等到工作完成，铁链坚牢完善，我发现这铁链把我捆住了。”
"Prisoner， tell me， who was it that bound you？"
"It was my master，" said the prisoner. "I thought I could outdo everybody in the world in wealth and power， and I amassed in my own treasure-house the money due to my king. When sleep overcame me I lay upon the bad that was for my lord， and on waking up I found I was a prisoner in my own treasure-house."
"Prisoner， tell me， who was it that wrought this unbreakable chain？"
"It was I，" said the prisoner， "who forged this chain very carefully. I thought my invincible power would hold the world captive leaving me in a freedom undisturbed.Thus night and day I worked at the chain with huge fires and cruel hard strokes.When at last the work was done and the links were complete and unbreakable， I found that it held me in its grip."
32
尘世上那些爱我的人，用尽方法拉住我。你的爱就不是那样，你的爱比他们的伟大得多，你让我自由。
他们从不敢离开我，恐怕我把他们忘掉。但是你，日子一天一天地过去，你还没有露面。
若是我不在祈祷中呼唤你，若是我不把你放在心上，你爱我的爱情仍在等待着我的爱。
By all means they try to hold me secure who love me in this world. But it is otherwise with thy love which is greater than theirs， and thou keep me free.
Lest I forget them they never venture to leave me alone. But day passes by after day and thou art not seen.
If I call not thee in my prayers， if I keep not thee in my heart， thy love for me still waits for my love.
33
白天的时候，他们来到我的房子里说：“我们只占用最小的一间屋子。”
他们说：“我们要帮忙你礼拜你的上帝，而且只谦恭地领受我们应得的一份恩典。”
他们就在屋角安静谦柔地坐下。但是在黑夜里，我发现他们强暴地冲进我的圣堂，贪婪地攫取了神坛上的祭品。
When it was day they came into my house and said， "We shall only take the smallest room here."
They said， "We shall help you in the worship of your God and humbly accept only our own share in his grace"； and then they took their seat in a corner and they sat quiet and meek.
But in the darkness of night I fnd they break into my sacred shrine， strong and turbulent， and snatch with unholy greed the offerings from God's altar.
34
只要我一息尚存，我就称你为我的一切。
只要我真诚不灭，我就感觉到你在我的四围，任何事情，我都来请教你，任何时候都把我的爱献上给你。
只要我一息尚存，我就永不把你藏匿起来。
只要把我和你的旨意锁在一起的脚镣，还留着一小段，你的意旨就在我的生命中实现——这脚镣就是你的爱。
Let only that little be left of me whereby I may name thee my all.
Let only that little be left of my will whereby I may feel thee on every side， and come to thee in everything， and offer to thee my love every moment.
Let only that little be left of me whereby I may never hide thee.
Let only that little of my fetters be left whereby I am bound with thy will， and thy purpose is carried out in my life— and that is the fetter of thy love.
35
在那里，心是无畏的，头也抬得高昂；
在那里，知识是自由的；
在那里，世界还没有被狭小的家国的墙隔成片段；
在那里，话是从真理的深处说出；
在那里，不懈的努力向着“完美”伸臂；
在那里，理智的清泉没有沉没在积习的荒漠之中；
在那里，心灵是受你的指引，走向那不断放宽的思想与行为——
进入那自由的天国，我的父呵，让我的国家觉醒起来吧。
Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high；
Where knowledge is free；
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls；
Where words come out from the depth of truth；
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection；
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit；
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action—
Into that heaven of freedom， my Father， let my country awake.
36
这是我对你的祈求，我的主——请你铲除，铲除我心里贫乏的根源。
赐给我力量使我能清闲地承受欢乐与忧伤。
赐给我力量使我的爱在服务中得到果实。
赐给我力量使我永不抛弃穷人也永不向淫威屈膝。
赐给我力量使我的心灵超越于日常琐事之上。
再赐给我力量使我满怀爱意地把我的力量服从你意志的指挥。
This is my prayer to thee， my lord— strike， strike at the root of penury in my heart.
Give me the strength lightly to bear my joys and sorrows.
Give me the strength to make my love fruitful in service.
Give me the strength never to disown the poor or bend my knees before insolent might.
Give me the strength to raise my mind high above daily trifes.
And give me the strength to surrender my strength to thy will with love.
37
我以为我的精力已竭，旅程已终——前路已绝，储粮已尽，退隐在静默鸿蒙中的时间已经到来。
但是我发现你的意志在我身上不知有终点。旧的言语刚在舌尖上死去，新的音乐又从心上进来；旧辙方迷，新的田野又在面前奇妙地展开。
I thought that my voyage had come to its end at the last limit of my power，— that the path before me was closed， that provisions were exhausted and the time come to take shelter in a silent obscurity.
But I fnd that thy will knows no end in me. And when old words die out on the tongue， new melodies break forth from the heart； and where the old tracks are lost， new country is revealed with its wonders.
38
我需要你，只需要你——让我的心不停地重述这句话。日夜引诱我的种种欲念，都是透顶的诈伪与空虚。
就像黑夜隐藏在祈求光明的朦胧里，在我潜意识的深处也响出呼声——我需要你，只需要你。