HOW DO YOU CONNECT WITH OTHERS?

Communicating is supposed to be easy when you speak the same language, but think back to all the times you made a comment to someone that he or she did not understand—or even took offense when that was certainly not your intention. The way we prefer to connect with people is unique to our own inclinations and habits.

I have been trying to figure out how best to reach my bright but challenging new employee, Mike.

I hired Mike a few months ago to fill a senior position on my team. He had extensive experience and was very professional in his interviews. I was sure he would be a great addition to the team, and he has definitely been a major contributor to some of the process upgrades we’ve implemented recently. I know he enjoys socializing with his coworkers because he attends our monthly happy hour events, but I want to make sure he feels comfortable coming to me if problems arise; I’m just not sure we’re there yet.

I dropped by his desk the other day to catch up and see how he was doing. I tried to make casual conversation by asking about his weekend, but all I got out of him were noncommittal answers. He seemed nervous and worried that I was there asking questions, but I just wanted to make sure he was content with his work and doing well. He seemed to want desperately to get back to work so I said goodbye quickly. It was awkward.

I mostly get one- or two-sentence emails from him with brief status updates on his progress. He doesn’t seem to be interested in sharing anything but the bare minimum with me. I’m concerned that he is not happy with his job (I can’t afford to lose someone with his experience), but I’m not sure how to correct the situation if he won’t talk to me. I need to set up a one-on-one meeting with him, but I’d also like to engage in more casual communication to establish stronger rapport.

I was at a loss, so I asked Mike how he perceives the situation. This is what he shared:

I took a senior position on Cheryl’s team a few months ago, and to be honest I still feel like I’m getting my sea legs. I like the work, but the pace here is much faster than what I’m used to, so I’m always scrambling to catch up. Cheryl stops by my desk pretty frequently, and I worry that she feels the need to check up on me because I’m doing something wrong or not meeting her expectations of how fast I work. I would love to take a minute to chat about my kids, but anytime I’m pulled away I get this nagging feeling that I’m going to miss my next deadline. I do make a point to go to happy hour to get to know my team better because I never have any time to chat at the water cooler—and I understand the importance of professional networking. I haven’t had a chance to talk to Cheryl at happy hour yet because there are quite a few of us there; I guess I should make more of an effort next time.

Cheryl just put a meeting on my calendar for next week to catch up. I think I will share with her that things are going well but that I need to stay focused during the day to get my work done on time.