Drop Defensiveness

It’s part of The Disciplined Leader’s job to sit in the hot seat at times. People will look to us for explanations and hold us accountable for problems. So it’s only normal for us to get a little defensive now and then. But do you ever notice yourself regularly overreacting or becoming hot tempered too often? If so, it’s time to cool off.

Habitually defensive behavior creates an atmosphere in which people walk on eggshells and struggle to communicate—primarily with you. That’s dangerous for your business’s well-being because it can stifle transparency, ideas, and productivity. So discipline yourself to let go of defenses and display confident, noncombative leadership by realizing you are not always right and by welcoming feedback from others. This leadership trait will build your credibility and foster effective, respectful, and forward-thinking communication.

How do you know if you’re too defensive? Unless you’ve had someone say you’ve got a problem, you need to pay attention to your communication style. Early in my career, I could be defensive at times. After deciding to address the issue, I realized it was likely related to my confidence and maturity as a leader. I knew this behavior could eventually improve with experience, wisdom, and time. But I didn’t have time on my side. I couldn’t just wait around in the hopes of getting wiser about managing myself or others. I needed to be effective right away.

So I looked toward some of my leadership role models for guidance. I noted how managing defensive tendencies was really a proactive process. If I took charge of my emotions even in dicey situations, I could become better at keeping my cool and facilitating and improving communication all around, the latter of which has always played a role in building a healthy workplace culture. The key was to manage those emotions in real time, and that’s what the best leaders consistently worked at and gracefully mastered.

It’s common to see people get defensive around company acquisitions that go wrong. Often overly invested both emotionally and financially, such leaders can’t see how touchy their situation is. One of our clients ignored the warnings of his MAP consultant about the dangers of a particular acquisition. After going ahead with it, this leader turned a blind eye when the acquisition started draining company resources. He appeared unfazed by the devastating turnover in talent until a call from the bank snapped him back into reality: “Liquidate now or you’ll get a call from the law.” Finally this CEO got the picture, dropped his defensives, and started taking tough but necessary corrective action.

Being defensive is a common challenge with many people who take on or grow into leadership positions. But Disciplined Leaders learn to regularly combat defensiveness and rise above the fray, and this becomes a turning point in their careers. It can pave the way for the successful implementation of the practices within this book and position you for explosive potential. Dropping your defenses unlocks the door to learning, change, and growth. If you struggle here, consider these important “to dos” that are proven to reel back reactive behavior:

Pay attention to that gut. If you’re sensing that you’re being unnecessarily or overly defensive, it’s time for self-examination. Where is it coming from and why? Are you willing to change? Answer these and other such questions if you’ve got a gut feeling your behavior is overly reactive as well as if you notice others having trouble communicating honestly with you.

Ask for feedback. Collect input on your behavior by having a candid talk with your direct reports, colleagues, or team members at work. Use an anonymous 360-feedback instrument, especially if you’ve cultivated a culture in which people don’t feel comfortable speaking up about your leadership style. You could also ask a mentor for his or her honest opinion and get help creating the right questions to ask.

Once you’ve got the feedback, embrace it. View this input as a gift—one that can help you and your company improve. Genuinely thank such people for sharing whatever they’ve courageously chosen to tell you.

Be open to bad news. When you get it, don’t react. Get more facts first. Why? Facts are powerful. They transform your perspective, enabling you to take the right corrective action to address your issues. So launch that fact-finding mission, keeping in mind that even the worst news can become a valuable lesson learned that spins your compass in the right direction. Don’t fight it, and certainly don’t shoot the messenger. This reactive leadership style can be a career derailer. It’s a sure sign that your emotions, instead of your rational brain, are driving your behaviors.

In Summary: The Disciplined Leader learns, often after some trial and error, that letting go of defensiveness builds credibility, opens lines of communication, and enhances business relationships. Listening rather than reacting may yield information vital to your success. Being defensive about how right you are should prompt this question: Is it always right to be right?