Chapter 3
Living a Life to Die For

Elephant in the Room

We’ve all heard the term “elephant in the room” used to refer to an obvious, but usually unspoken, issue that confronts us individually or as a group. When Dave teaches a philosophy class, the “elephant in the room” is always (especially later in the quarter) that the students haven’t done the reading. Unless this core issue is dealt with, the class can’t really proceed effectively. But even though it is an “elephant in the room,” Dave often is inclined to ignore it. Of course, this never works. The “elephant in the room” always has to be attended to; like a real elephant, it can’t be ignored except at great peril to anyone nearby.

The “elephant in the room” for many of us in the second half of life is that retirement—as conceived of traditionally—just isn’t appealing, or to an increasing number of people, even possible. We want to be useful, contributing, connected members of our community. We want to make a difference in the world and we might need to continue to make a living to support our second-half needs. The question we can’t escape, therefore, is how to do that.

In Africa one night, around the fire, Daudi told us a story to illustrate an “elephant in the room” when it comes to our roles as elders in our communities. And best of all, it’s a story about actual elephants!

It seems, he says, that some well-meaning environmental group got the idea of re-introducing elephants into an area in South Africa where they historically lived but from which—due to poaching and land pressures—they had been eradicated. Since elephants live in matriarchal groups, it was decided that the most effective strategy would be to introduce a number of young bull elephants into the area.

Males live alone or in bachelor herds; being nonterritorial, mating success depends on size and weapons. Growth of the tusks continues into old age; seniors are therefore the biggest tuskers and do most of the breeding. Bull elephants annually cycle between a state of heightened readiness to mate called musth and non- musth. During musth, bull elephants have peak testosterone levels and are more aggressive. Older bull elephants—those at the top of the mating hierarchy—will allow the younger bulls who are in musth to mount female elephants in estrus as a means to prime the females for reproductive sex. Essentially the young bulls in musth tire out the females so the older bulls have a better chance for reproductive success when they eventually mate with the females.

Anyway, Daudi, tells us, what happened when these young bulls were introduced into this area of South Africa was that when they would go into musth, they would essentially go crazy. They rampaged about, terrorizing the local people, and even, in behavior that was unprecedented for elephants, stomped to death two rhinos. Nobody knew what to do to stop them and of course, nobody wanted to kill the elephants, although, for a time, this seemed to be the only solution.

Eventually, however, someone got the idea of introducing a few mature bulls back into the population to keep the young bulls in line. It worked perfectly. In just a couple of weeks, the mature elephants had corrected the behavior of the young bulls through a combination of behavior modeling and butt-kicking. What the young bulls needed was older, more experienced bulls to show them how to act—and to bust a few heads if additional persuasion was necessary.

When Daudi finishes this story, we are all nodding in recognition. We are aware that, as elders in our own communities, we are like those mature elephants who are charged with the responsibility of showing the young bulls the ropes. We realize that it is incumbent upon us to provide guidance and direction to the younger generation in our societies. We feel deeply the responsibility to model behaviors that will sustain the health and security of our communities. And, if the truth be told, we aren’t entirely averse to doing a little butt-kicking if necessary.

We see ourselves as able to make meaningful contributions to individuals and groups throughout society. Figuring out how to do that is a bit more of a challenge. We know how to savor the world; our task now is to figure out how to save it.