第3章　激发他人的强烈需求

每年夏天，我们要去缅因州钓鱼。我自己很喜欢吃草莓和奶油，但是我发现鱼儿却喜欢吃小虫子。所以我钓鱼时，不会想我所喜欢吃的东西，而是琢磨这些鱼儿喜欢吃什么。我不会在鱼钩上挂上草莓和奶油，而是穿上一条蚯蚓或一只蚱蜢，垂到鱼儿面前，说：“你想吃这个吗？”

当你“钓”人时，为什么不试试同样的道理呢？第一次世界大战期间，英国首相劳埃德·乔治就采用了这种方式。有人问他，当其他在战争年代成为领袖的人，例如威尔逊、奥兰多及克里孟梭都被世人遗忘时，为什么他还能够大权在握。他回答说，如果他执权有术，那可能是因为他很早就明白了一个道理：要想钓到鱼，鱼饵必须适合鱼的口味！

为什么我们总是对自己的需要大加谈论呢？这可是孩子似的荒谬做法。当然，你关心的是自己的需要，而且对自己的需要永远都会感兴趣。但别人却不这样。别人都像你一样，只会对自己的需要感兴趣。

所以，世界上能够影响他人的唯一方法，就是谈论他们的需要，并告诉他们如何去获得它。

about what you want; but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.

This is a good thing to remember regardless of whether you are dealing with children or calves or chimpanzees. For example: one day Ralph Waldo Emerson and his son tried to get a calf into the barn. But they made the common mistake of thinking only of what they wanted: Emerson pushed and his son pulled. But the calf was doing just what they were doing; he was thinking only of what he wanted; so he stiffened his legs and stubbornly refused to leave the pasture. The Irish housemaid saw their predicament. She couldn't write essays and books; but, on this occasion at least, she had more horse sense, or calf sense, than Emerson had. She thought of what the calf wanted; so she put her maternal finger in the calf's mouth and let the calf suck her finger as she gently led him into the barn.

Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something. How about the time you gave a large contribution to the Red Cross? Yes, that is no exception to the rule. You gave the Red Cross the donation because you wanted to lend a helping hand; you wanted to do a beautiful, unselfish, divine act.“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

If you hadn't wanted that feeling more than you wanted your money, you would not have made the contribution. Of course, you might have made the contribution because you were ashamed to refuse or because a customer asked you to do it. But one thing is certain. You made the contribution because you wanted something.

Harry A. Overstreet in his illuminating book Influencing Human Behavior said, “Action

当你明天打算让某个人去做什么事的时候，一定要记住这一点。例如，当你不希望你的孩子吸烟时，那么不要训斥他，也不要对他讲你想什么。你只需让他知道，吸烟会使他不能加入篮球队，或不能赢得百米赛跑。

不论你是对待孩子还是小牛或黑猩猩，这条原则都必须牢记。例如，有一天爱默生和他的儿子想将一头小牛赶进牛棚。但他们犯了一个常识性的错误，他们只想达到自己的目的：爱默生在后面推小牛，他儿子则在前面拉小牛。但正如他们自己一样，这头小牛也只想它自己所要的，所以它蹬紧四腿，顽固地不肯离开原来的地方。一位爱尔兰女仆看到了这个僵持的场面。尽管她不会写什么东西，但她至少比爱默生更了解马和牛的性格。她知道小牛想要什么，于是她把拇指伸进小牛的口中，一边让小牛吮吸她的手指，一边将它轻轻地引进牛棚。

从你来到这个世界起，你的每一种行为都是出自你的需求。你为什么要给红十字会捐一大笔钱？不错，这个行为仍不例外。你之所以捐钱给红十字会，是因为你也想伸出援助之手，要做一件善良无私的神圣之事。《圣经》中说：“既然你的此举是为我的弟兄们做的，也就是为我做的。”

假如你行善的感觉比不上你对钱的喜爱，那你绝对不会捐款。当然，你也许会因为不好意思拒绝，或因为一个主顾请你捐，你才去捐款。但有一点是可以肯定的，那就是你是为了满足某种需要而捐款的。

springs out of what we fundamentally desire... and the best piece of advice which can be given to would-be persuaders, whether in business, in the home, in the school, in politics, is: First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”

Andrew Carnegie, the poverty-stricken Scotch lad who started to work at two cents an hour and finally gave away$365 million, learned early in life that the only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants. He attended school only four years; yet he learned how to handle people.

To illustrate: His sister-in-law was worried sick over her two boys. They were at Yale, and they were so busy with their own affairs that they neglected to write home and paid no attention whatever to their mother's frantic letters.

Then Carnegie offered to wager a hundred dollars that he could get an answer by return mail, without even asking for it. Someone called his bet; so he wrote his nephews a chatty letter, mentioning casually in a postscript that he was sending each one a five-dollar bill.

He neglected, however, to enclose the money.

Back came replies by return mail thanking “Dear Uncle Andrew” for his kind note and—you can finish the sentence yourself.

Another example of persuading comes from Stan Novak of Cleveland, Ohio, a participant in our course. Stan came home from work one evening to find his youngest son, Tim, kicking and screaming on the living room floor. He was to start kindergarten the next day and was protesting that he would not go. Stan's normal reaction would have

奥弗斯特里特在他那本极具启发性的著作《影响人类的行为》中说：“行动源于我们的基本欲望……无论是在商业、家庭、学校中，还是在政治中，对那些想劝导别人的人来说，我所能给的最好的建议，就是首先要激发别人的需求。如果能做到这点，就可以如鱼得水，否则办不成任何事情。”

安德鲁·卡内基是一个贫苦的苏格兰少年。他刚开始工作的时候，每小时只挣两美分，可是他后来竟捐赠了3.65亿美元。这是因为他很早就明白，影响他人的唯一方法，就是谈论对方的需要。尽管他只读过4年书，但他学会了如何与人相处。

例如，他的嫂嫂因为她的两个儿子而忧劳成疾。他们在耶鲁大学读书，但却一心忙自己的事情，连信都不给家里写，而他们母亲写给他们的充满焦虑的信，他们也不愿回复。

于是，卡内基打了100美元的赌，说他不必请求回信，就可以得到他们的回信。有人和他打了这个赌。他给两个侄子写了一封信，在信后附带说给他们每人寄一张5美元的钞票。

不过，卡内基并没将钱装入信封里面。他们果然回信了，信中谢谢“亲爱的安德鲁叔叔给我们的来信，但……”——我想下面的内容读者一猜就知道了。

另一个例子来自我班上一位俄亥俄州克利夫兰市的学员史丹·诺瓦克。一天晚上，史丹下班回家后，发现小儿子迪米在客厅的地板上打滚，又哭又闹的。

been to banish the child to his room and tell him had just better make up his mind to go. He had no choice. But tonight, recognizing that this would not really help Tim start kindergarten in the best frame of mind, Stan sat down and thought, “If I were Tim, why would I be excited about going to kindergarten?” He and his wife made a list of all the fun things Tim would do such as finger painting, singing songs, making new friends. Then they put them into action.“We all started finger-painting on the kitchen table—my wife, Lil, my other son Bob, and myself, all having fun. Soon Tim was peeping around the corner. Next he was begging to participate.‘Oh, no! You have to go to kindergarten first to learn how to finger-paint.’With all the enthusiasm I could muster I went through the list talking in terms he could understand—telling him all the fun he would have in kindergarten. The next morning, I thought I was the first one up. I went downstairs and found Tim sitting sound asleep in the living room chair.‘What are you doing here?’I asked.‘I'm waiting to go to kindergarten. I don't want to be late.’the enthusiasm of our entire family had aroused in Tim an eager want that no amount of discussion or threat could have possibly accomplished.”

Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself, “How can I make this person want to do it?”

That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires.

At one time I rented the grand ballroom of a certain New York hotel for twenty nights in each season in order to hold a series of lectures.

At the beginning of one season, I was suddenly informed that I should have to pay

原来，迪米第二天就要去幼儿园了，但他不愿去。如果是平时，史丹肯定会将迪米叫到房间，命令他最好还是去幼儿园，他别无选择。但史丹这天晚上意识到这样并不能让迪米带着好心情去幼儿园。于是史丹坐了下来，心想：“如果我是迪米，为什么会高高兴兴地去幼儿园呢？”他和夫人一起将迪米将在幼儿园所乐意做的事情列了一张表，例如手指画画、唱歌、交朋友等。然后，他们开始采取行动。“我和我夫人、我的另一个儿子鲍勃开始在厨房的桌子上用手指画画，而且很开心。没过多久，迪米就站在墙角偷看我们，然后请求参加我们的活动。‘不行，你必须先去幼儿园学习用手指画画。’我用他能够听得懂的话，以最大的热情向他解释那张表上所列的各种有趣的事情，并告诉他会在幼儿园得到这些乐趣。第二天早上，我本以为我是第一个起床的人，可是下楼后发现迪米竟坐在客厅的沙发上睡了一个晚上。我问：‘你怎么睡在这里？’他说：‘我在等着去幼儿园。我可不想迟到。’你看，我们全家已经激起了迪米内心强烈的愿望，而若采取讨论或强迫的办法是根本无济于事的。”

也许你明天打算劝某人做某事。在你开口之前，不妨先问问自己：“我怎样才能使他心甘情愿做这件事？”

这问题可以使我们不至于冒冒失失、毫无结果地去同别人谈论我们的各种愿望。

almost three times as much rent as formerly. This news reached me after the tickets had been printed and distributed and all announcements had been made.

Naturally, I didn't want to pay the increase, but what was the use of talking to the hotel about what I wanted? They were interested only in what they wanted. So a couple of days later I went to see the manager.

“I was a bit shocked when I got your letter,” I said, “but I don't blame you at all. If I had been in your position, I should probably have written a similar letter myself. Your duty as the manager of the hotel is to make all the profit possible. If you don't do that, you will be fired and you ought to be fired. Now, let's take a piece of paper and write down the advantages and the disadvantages that will accrue to you, if you insist on this increase in rent.”

Then I took a letterhead and ran a line through the center and headed one column “Advantages” and the other column “Disadvantages.”

I wrote down under the head “Advantages” these words:“Ballroom free.” Then I went on to say, “You will have the advantage of having the ballroom free to rent for dances and conventions. That is a big advantage, for affairs like that will pay you much more than you can get for a series of lectures. If I tie your ballroom up for twenty nights during the course of the season, it is sure to mean a loss of some very profitable business to you.

“Now, let's consider the disadvantages. First, instead of increasing your income from me, you are going to decrease it. In fact, you are going to wipe it out because I cannot pay the rent you are asking. I shall be forced to hold these lectures at some other place.

“There's another disadvantage to you also. These lectures attract crowds of educated and

有一段时间，我每个季度都要租纽约某大饭店的大舞厅用20个晚上，举行一系列演讲。

在某一季开始的时候，我忽然接到饭店的通知，必须支付几乎比以前高3倍的租金。我得知这个消息时，入场券已经印发，而且通告已经公布了。

我当然不愿意支付这增加的部分租金，但是和饭店谈我的想法又有何用呢？他们只关心他们所需要的。于是，几天之后我找到了饭店经理。

“我接到你的信时有点吃惊，”我说，“但我一点都不怪你。如果换成是我，恐怕也会写一封相似的信。你身为饭店经理，有责任为饭店创造利润。如果你不那样做，你就要被辞掉，并且应当被辞掉。现在，且让我们拿一张纸来，将你坚持增加租金而给你带来的利弊一一列出来。”

说完，我拿出一张信纸，在中间画好一条竖线，一栏的上端写明“利”，另一栏则写上“弊”。

在“利”的一栏我写上“舞厅空出来”几个字，然后接着说：“你可以随便出租舞厅开舞会和聚会。收益会相当可观，因为这类活动比租给演讲所得的租金要多得多。如果我在这一季度占用你的舞厅20个晚上，你一定会失去这笔利润。

“现在，让我们来看看‘弊’。首先，将舞厅租给我并不能增加你的收入，相反你还会减少收入。事实上，你将一点收入都没有，因为我付不起你所要求的

cultured people to your hotel. That is good advertising for you, isn't it? In fact, if you spent five thousand dollars advertising in the newspapers, you couldn't bring as many people to look at your hotel as I can bring by these lectures. That is worth a lot to a hotel, isn't it?”

As I talked, I wrote these two “disadvantages” under the proper heading, and handed the sheet of paper to the manager, saying, “I wish you would carefully consider both the advantages and disadvantages that are going to accrue to you and then give me your final decision.”

I received a letter the next day, informing me that my rent would be increased only 50 percent instead of 300 percent.

Mind you, I got this reduction without saying a word about what I wanted. I talked all the time about what the other person wanted and how he could get it.

Suppose I had done the human, natural thing; suppose I had stormed into his office and said, “What do you mean by raising my rent three hundred percent when you know the tickets have been printed and the announcements made? Three hundred percent! Ridiculous! Absurd! I won't pay it!”

What would have happened then? An argument would have begun to steam and boil and sputter—and you know how arguments end. Even if I had convinced him that he was wrong, his pride would have made it difficult for him to back down and give in.

Here is one of the best bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationships.“If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own.”

租金。我只能到别处举行演讲。

“对你还有另一个不利。这些演讲会吸引那些受过高等教育的人士来你的饭店，这对你可是一种极好的广告，难道不是吗？事实上，你就是花上5000美元在报纸上做广告，也不能使来你饭店的人数和来听我演讲的人那样多。而这对于一家饭店来说是很有价值的，对不对？”

我一边讲，一边将这两种不利写在相应的栏目中，然后将那张纸递给经理，说：“我希望你好好考虑一下，然后将最后的决定告诉我。”

第二天，我收到一封信，通知我租金只加一半，而不是当初的3倍。

请注意，我对于我的愿望没有谈一个字，就达到了减少租金的目的。因为我一直在讲对方所需要的东西，以及他怎样才能得到它。

假设我像普通人那样，直接闯进他的办公室说：“你这是什么意思？明明知道入场券已经印好，而且通知已经公告，却要增加我的租金3倍？3倍！太可笑了！太荒谬了！我可不会付给你！”

然后情况会怎样呢？那一定会引发激烈的争论，甚至是白热化的争吵——而你知道会造成什么后果。即使我能让他相信他是错的，他的自尊也不会让他屈服和退让。

关于为人处世，这里有一句至理名言。“如果成功有什么秘诀的话”，“汽车大王”亨利·福特说，“那就是站在对方的立场看问题，如同从你自己的立场

That is so good, I want to repeat it:“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own.”

That is so simple, so obvious, that anyone ought to see the truth of it at a glance; yet 90 percent of the people on this earth ignore it 90 percent of the time.

An example? Look at the letters that come across your desk tomorrow morning, and you will find that most of them violate this important canon of common sense. Take this one, a letter written by the head of the radio department of an advertising agency with offices scattered across the continent. This letter was sent to the managers of local radio stations throughout the country.（I have set down, in brackets, my reactions to each paragraph.）

Mr. John Blank，

Blankville，

Indiana

Dear Mr. Blank:

The company desires to retain its position in advertising agency leadership in the radio field.

[Who cares what your company desires? I am worried about my own problems. The bank is foreclosing the mortgage on my house, the bugs are destroying the hollyhocks, the stock market tumbled yesterday. I missed the eight-fifteen this morning, I wasn't invited to the Jones's dance last night, the doctor tells me I have high blood pressure and neuritis and dandruff. And then what happens? I come down to the office this morning

看问题一样。”

这话真是棒极了！我要重述一次：“如果成功有什么秘诀的话，那就是站在对方的立场看问题，如同从你自己的立场上看问题一样。”

这话实在是再简单、再浅显不过了，任何人都应该一眼就看出其中的道理，但我们这个世界上90%的人在90%的时候都忽略了它。

例子呢？明天早上看看你桌上的信，你就会发现大多数信都违反了这种常识性的道理。就拿其中一封信来说吧——这封信是一家在全国各地都有分公司的广告公司的无线电部主任写的，它分发给全国各地的无线电台经理。（我将在括号中表明我对每一段文字的想法。）

约翰·布兰克先生

布兰克维尔，印第安纳州

亲爱的布兰克先生：

本公司希望保持在无线电界广告业务的领袖地位。

（谁关心你的公司希望什么？我正担心我自己的问题呢！银行正准备没收我的房产抵押，害虫正在咬花草，昨天交易市场大跌。今天早上我又误了8:15的火车，昨晚琼斯家举办舞会没有邀请我，而且医生告诉我说我患有高血压、神经炎、头屑过多等毛病。然后呢，又发生了什么？今天早上我心烦意乱地走进办公室，打开信件，竟然看到纽约一个名不见经传的家伙在啰啰嗦嗦地讲他公司的什

worried, open my mail and here is some little whippersnapper off in New York yapping about what his company wants.Bah! If he only realized what sort of impression his letter makes, he would get out of the advertising business and start manufacturing sheep dip.]

This agency's national advertising accounts were the bulwark of the network. Our subsequent clearances of station time have kept us at the top of agencies year after year.

[You are big and rich and right at the top, are you? So what? I don't give two whoops in Hades if you are as big as General Motors and General Electric and the General Staff of the U. S.Army all combined. If you had as much sense as a half-witted hummingbird, you would realize that I am interested in how big I am—not how big you are. All this talk about your enormous success makes me feel small and unimportant.]

We desire to service our accounts with the last word on radio station information.

[You desire! You desire. You unmitigated ass. I'm not interested in what you desire or what the President of the United States desires.Let me tell you once and for all that I am interested in what I desire—and you haven't said a word about that yet in this absurd letter of yours.]

Will you, therefore, put the—company on your preferred list for weekly station information—every single detail that will be useful to an agency in intelligently booking time.

[“Preferred list.” You have your nerve! You make me feel insignificant by your big talk about your company—and then you ask me to put you on a “preferred” list, and you don't even say “please” when you ask it.]

A prompt acknowledgment of this letter, giving us your latest “doings”, will be mutually helpful.

么希望。这真是一派胡言！假如他知道他的信会给人什么印象的话，他就会知趣地离开广告界，改行干别的了。）

本公司在全国的广告客户，是各无线电台的保护伞。本公司每年的营业额都位居前列。

（你是不是又大又富，而且遥遥领先？但那又怎么样？即使你的公司有通用汽车公司、通用电气公司以及美国陆军总部合起来那么大，也不关我什么事。只要你有蜂鸟那么一点一知半解的大脑，你就应该清楚我只关心“我”有多大——而不是你有多大。关于你的伟大成功的所有这些言论，在我看来都非常渺小，而且毫不重要。）

我们希望将各家无线电台最新的消息提供给我们的客户。

（你希望！你希望！你这笨驴。我才不管你或美国总统有什么希望。我不妨干脆地告诉你，我只对我自己的事情感兴趣——而在你这封荒谬无比的信中却没有提到一个字。）

所以，你可将本公司列为你们告知每周消息的优先对象——凡是广告公司在刊登广告信息时有用的每一个细节都告诉我们。

（“优先对象”，你胆子可不小！你在大吹大擂自己的公司，使我觉得微不足道——然后你要我将你列入“优先”名单，可是你却连个“请”字都不说。）

即刻回信，告诉我们你最近的“活动”，这对彼此都会有好处。

[You fool! You mail me a cheap form letter—a letter scattered far and wide like the autumn leaves—and you have the gall to ask me, when I am worried about the mortgage and the hollyhocks and my blood pressure, to sit down and dictate a personal note acknowledging your form letter—and you ask me to do it “promptly.” What do you mean, “promptly”? Don't you know I am just as busy as you are—or, at least, I like to think I am. And while we are on the subject, who gave you the lordly right to order me around?...You say it will be “mutually helpful.” At last, at last, you have begun to see my viewpoint. But you are vague about how it will be to my advantage.]

Very truly yours，

John Doe

Manager Radio Department

P. S. The enclosed reprint from the Blankville Journal will be of interest to you, and you may want to broadcast it over your station.

[Finally, down here in the postscript, you mention something that may help me solve one of my problems. Why didn't you begin your letter with—but what's the use? Any advertising man who is guilty of perpetrating such drivel as you have sent me has something wrong with his medulla oblongata. You don't need a letter giving our latest doings. What you need is a quart of iodine in your thyroid gland.]

Now, if people who devote their lives to advertising and who pose as experts in the art of influencing people to buy—if they write a letter like that, what can we expect from the butcher and baker or the auto mechanic?

（你这笨蛋！你将这样一封像秋天落叶般的信随随便便地寄给我，还在全国各地分送，竟然还好意思要我在担心房产被抵押、花草遭到害虫、血压太高的情况下，坐下来单独给你写一封回信，来回答你的复写信，而且还要我“即刻”回答——“即刻”是什么意思？难道你不知道我和你一样忙吗——或者我至少会想象和你一样忙？还有就是既然我们在谈某个问题，是谁给你这种权力来指使我干这干那的？……你说这件事将会使双方受益，可是你直到最后才想到我的利益。但怎样才对我有益你却又含混不清。）

你的朋友

无线电部主任 约翰·杜伊

再启：附上《布兰克维尔日报》的副本，你也许会感兴趣，愿在你的电台播放。

（在这最后的附言中，你是提到了可以帮助我解决一个问题。但是这又有什么用呢？为什么一开始不用这个呢？任何广告商如果犯了你这种毛病，一定是神经错乱。你并不需要我们最近活动的消息。你所要的不过是一品脱（1品脱约为0.56升）碘，好注射进你的甲状腺。）

现在，假如一生都投身于广告事业的人自以为是专家，能左右他人的购买决策，可是却写出那样一封信来，对于其他行业的人，我们还能指望他们会写出什么来呢？

这儿还有另一封由一个大货运公司的总监给我班上一位名叫维米兰的学员写的

Here is another letter, written by the superintendent of a large freight terminal to a student of this course, Edward Vermylen. What effect did this letter have on the man to whom it was addressed? Read it and then I'll tell you.

A. Zerega's Sons, Inc.

28 Front St.

Brooklyn, N. Y.11201

Attention: Mr. Edward Vermylen

Gentlemen:

The operations at our outbound-rail-receiving station are handicapped because a material percentage of the total business is delivered us in the late afternoon. This condition results in congestion, overtime on the part of our forces, delays to trucks, and in some cases delays to freight. On November 10, we received from your company a lot of 510 pieces, which reached here at 4：20 p.m.

We solicit your cooperation toward overcoming the undesirable effects arising from late receipt of freight. May we ask that, on days on which you ship the volume which was received on the above date, effort be made either to get the truck here earlier or to deliver us part of the freight during the morning?

The advantage that would accrue to you under such an arrangement would be that of more expeditious discharge of your trucks and the assurance that your business would go forward on the date of its receipt.

Very truly yours，

J—B—, Supt.

信。对于收信人来说，这封信会有什么影响呢？先来读这封信，然后我再告诉你。

齐瑞格公司

前街28号，布洛克林，纽约，11201

爱德华·维米兰先生收

尊敬的先生：

本公司外运收货站的工作常常受到阻碍，因为大部分货物都是在傍晚才送过来给我们，结果就导致了交通拥挤，员工也不得不加班，卡车也被堵塞，致使货物延迟发送。11月10日，我们收到贵公司需要发运的510件货物，但这些货物直到下午4点20才送到我们这里。

为了避免货物延迟送达所产生的不利影响，我们请求你们进行合作。你们以后如果需要发送上面这类大宗货物时，能不能尽量让卡车提早过来，或者在上午时先送过来一部分货物？

这样对你们会有好处：你们的卡车可以迅速返回，并且可以保证你们的货物在收到的当天就可以发出去。

你的朋友

总监 J-B-

读完这封信以后，担任齐瑞格公司销售经理的维米兰先生写了下面这些意见

After reading this letter, Mr. Vermylen, sales manager for A.Zerega's Sons, Inc., sent it to me with the following comment:

This letter had the reverse effect from that which was intended. The letter begins by describing the Terminal's difficulties, in which we are not interested, generally speaking. Our cooperation is then requested without any thought as to whether it would inconvenience us, and then, finally, in the last paragraph, the fact is mentioned that if we do cooperate it will mean more expeditious discharge of our trucks with the assurance that our freight will go forward on the date of its receipt.

In other words, that in which we are most interested is mentioned last and the whole effect is one of raising a spirit of antagonism rather than of cooperation.

Let's see if we can't rewrite and improve this letter. Let's not waste any time talking about our problems. As Henry Ford admonishes, let's “get the other person's point of view and see things from his or her angle, as well as from our own.”

Here is one way of revising the letter. It may not be the best way, but isn't it an improvement?

Mr. Edward Vermylen

A. Zerega's Sons, Inc.

28 Front St.

Brooklyn, N. Y.11201

Dear Mr. Vermylen:

Your company has been one of our good customers for fourteen years. Naturally, we are very grateful for your patronage and are eager to give you the speedy, efficient

给我：

“这封信所产生的实际效果，与其初衷正好相反。这封信在一开头就讲货运站的困难，但是一般来说，我们并不关心这些。然后是要求我们合作，却一点也没有想到对我们是否有任何的不便。在最后一段，总算是提到，如果我们合作，可以使我们的卡车迅速返回，并保证我们的货物可以在收到之日发送出去。

“换言之，我们最关注的事情，对方却在最后才提到，因此这封信的整体效果，只会产生敌对，而不是合作的心理。”

我们来看看是否可以重写并完善这封信。我们不应该浪费时间讲我们的问题。正如亨利·福特所建议的，我们应该“站在对方的立场看问题，如同从你自己的立场看问题一样”。

下面就是一种修改方法。这也许不是最好的方法，但是不是可以有所改善呢？

爱德华·维米兰先生

齐瑞格公司

前街28号，布洛克林，纽约，11201

亲爱的维米兰先生：

14年来，贵公司一直是我们的好主顾。对于你们的光顾，我们当然非常感谢，并非常乐意为你们提供迅速高效的服务。但让我们感到遗憾的是，如果你们

service you deserve. However, we regret to say that it isn't possible for us to do that when your trucks bring us a large shipment late in the afternoon, as they did on November 10. Why? Because many other customers make late afternoon deliveries also.Naturally, that causes congestion. That means your trucks are held up unavoidably at the pier and sometimes even your freight is delayed.

That's bad, but it can be avoided. If you make your deliveries at the pier in the morning when possible, your trucks will be able to keep moving, your freight will get immediate attention, and our workers will get home early at night to enjoy a dinner of the delicious macaroni and noodles that you manufacture.

Regardless of when your shipments arrive, we shall always cheerfully do all in our power to serve you promptly.

You are busy. Please don't trouble to answer this note.

Yours truly，

J—B—, Supt.

Barbara Anderson, who worked in a bank in New York, desired to move to Phoenix, Arizona, because of the health of her son. Using the principles she had learned in our course, she wrote the following letter to twelve banks in Phoenix:

Dear Sir:

My ten years of bank experience should be of interest to a rapidly growing bank like yours.

In various capacities in bank operations with the Bankers Trust Company in New York, leading to my present assignment as Branch Manager, I have acquired skills in all

的卡车还是像11月10日那样在傍晚给我们送过来大批的货物，那么我们就很难为贵公司提供高效的服务。为什么呢？因为其他许多顾客也在傍晚给我们送货。这样，经常会造成交通拥堵，你们的卡车就会在码头受阻，甚至会导致你们的货物不能按时发出。

这种情况实在是太糟糕了，但它是可以避免的。如果你们尽可能在上午把货物运到我们的码头，你们的卡车就会畅通无阻，货物也可以即刻发送出去，而我们的员工每天晚上也可以早点回家，吃到贵公司生产的鲜美的馄饨和面条。

当然，无论你们的货物何时到达，我们都会竭力而迅速地为贵公司服务。

你公务繁忙，请不必费工夫回信。

你的朋友

总监 J-B-

芭贝拉·安德森在纽约一家银行工作，但为了儿子的身体健康，她打算搬到亚利桑那州的凤凰城。她利用在我们班上学到的原则，给凤凰城的12家银行写了下面这封信。

敬上启信者：

我在银行工作，已有10年经验，对于像你们这样快速发展的银行，对我应该会感兴趣。

phases of banking including depositor relations, credits, loans and administration.

I will be relocating to Phoenix in May and I am sure I can contribute to your growth and profit. I will be in Phoenix the week of April 3 and would appreciate the opportunity to show you how I can help your bank meet its goals.

Sincerely，

Barbara L. Anderson

Do you think Mrs. Anderson received any response from that letter? Eleven of the twelve banks invited her to be interviewed, and she had a choice of which bank's offer to accept. Why? Mrs. Anderson did not state what she wanted, but wrote in the letter how she could help them, and focused on their wants, not her own.

Thousands of salespeople are pounding the pavements today, tired, discouraged and underpaid. Why? Because they are always thinking only of what they want. They don't realize that neither you nor I want to buy anything. If we did, we would go out and buy it. But both of us are eternally interested in solving our problems. And if salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won't need to sell us. We'll buy. And customers like to feel that they are buying—not being sold.

Yet many salespeople spend a lifetime in selling without seeing things from the customer's angle. For example, for many years I lived in Forest Hills, a little community of private homes in the center of Greater New York. One day as I was rushing to the station, I chanced to meet a real-estate operator who had bought and sold property in that area for many years. He knew Forest Hills well, so I hurriedly asked him whether or not

我曾就职于一家纽约银行的信托公司，现在已经升为分部经理，对银行各部门的业务十分熟悉，包括与储户的关系、信用、贷款以及行政。

我将于5月份搬到凤凰城居住，深信能够对贵银行的发展与盈利有所帮助。我将在4月3日那个星期抵达凤凰城。如果能被给予机会，使我显示如何有助于贵银行发展，则不胜感激。

你的朋友

芭贝拉·安德森

你认为安德森夫人这封信会得到答复吗？这12家银行中有11家请她去面谈，这足够她选择的了。为什么会这样呢？安德森夫人并没有说她想要什么，她只是在信中说自己可以帮助银行，强调银行的需要，而不是她自己的需要。

现在有成千上万的推销员在路上疲于奔命，心情沮丧而且入不敷出。这是什么原因呢？因为他们一直在想的只是自己的需要，却不知道你和我都不想买任何东西。如果我们需要的话，我们会出去购买。我们总是在想着如何解决自己的问题。所以如果推销员能告诉我们，他们的服务或商品将会帮助我们解决问题，那么他们就不必向我们推销，我们会主动购买。顾客喜欢感到是自己主动要买——而不是被人推销。

但是，许多干了一辈子推销的人，却从不知道应该从顾客的角度来看问题。

my stucco house was built with metal lath or hollow tile. He said he didn't know and told me what I already knew—that I could find out by calling the Forest Hills Garden Association. The following morning, I received a letter from him.Did he give me the information I wanted? He could have gotten it in sixty seconds by a telephone call. But he didn't. He told me again that I could get it by telephoning, and then asked me to let him handle my insurance.

He was not interested in helping me. He was interested only in helping himself.

J. Howard Lucas of Birmingham, Alabama, tells how two salespeople from the same company handled the same type of situation, He reported:

“Several years ago I was on the management team of a small company. Headquartered near us was the district office of a large insurance company. Their agents were assigned territories, and our company was assigned to two agents, whom I shall refer to as Carl and John.

“One morning, Carl dropped by our office and casually mentioned that his company had just introduced a new life insurance policy for executives and thought we might be interested later on and he would get back to us when he had more information on it.

“The same day, John saw us on the sidewalk while returning from a coffee break, and he shouted，‘Hey Luke, hold up, I have some great news for you fellows.'He hurried over and very excitedly told us about an executive life insurance policy his company had introduced that very day.（It was the same policy that Carl had casually mentioned.）He wanted us to have one of the first issued. He gave us a few important facts about the coverage and ended saying，‘the policy is so new, I'm going to have someone from

例如，我曾长期住在纽约中心的林丘住宅小区。有一天我正急匆匆地赶去车站，碰巧遇到了一位房地产经纪人，他在那一带推销房地产已有许多年。由于他对林丘很熟悉，所以我急忙问他我的水泥房是用钢筋造的，还是用空心砖造的。他说他不知道，并告诉我一大堆我早已知道的东西。他说我可以打电话给林丘公司协会询问我房子的事。次日一早，我就收到了他的信。他是不是给了我需要的东西呢？他只需花60秒钟打一个电话就可以得到这些信息的，可是他并没有那样做。他再次告诉我自己打电话去咨询，然后请我让他来为我办理保险业务。

他并不是真的想帮助我。他只对帮助自己感兴趣。

亚拉巴马州伯明翰市的卢卡斯介绍了同一个公司两名推销员在处理同一类事情时是如何做的。他说：

“几年前，我在一个小公司任管理职务。在我们附近有一家大保险公司的分公司。他们的业务员按区域分配任务，而我们公司由两名业务员负责。我姑且称他们为卡尔和约翰。

“一天早上，卡尔来我们办公室，偶然谈到他的公司刚计划为高级职员办理人身保险，也许我们会对此感兴趣，并说等他得到更详细的资料之后再来看我们。

“同一天，我们喝完咖啡往回走时，约翰看见我们，他大声说：‘等等，我有好消息告诉你们！’他追了过来，兴冲冲地告诉我们，说他公司新设了一项人身保

the home office come out tomorrow and explain it. Now, in the meantime, let's get the applications signed and on the way so he can have more information to work with.’His enthusiasm aroused in us an eager want for this policy even though we still did not have details. When they were made available to us, they confirmed John's initial understanding of the policy, and he not only sold each of us a policy, but later doubled our coverage.

“Carl could have had those sales, but he made no effort to arouse in us any desire for the policies.”

The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.Owen D. Young, a noted lawyer and one of America's great business leaders, once said, “People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.”

If out of reading this book you get just one thing—an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people's point of view, and see things from their angle—if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.

Looking at the other person's point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment.Each party should gain from the negotiation. In the letters to Mr.Vermylen, both the sender and the receiver of the correspondence gained by implementing what was suggested.Both the bank and

险业务（其实卡尔在闲谈中已经提到过它）。约翰要我们成为首批投保人员。他给了我们一些重要资料，还说：‘这种保险是最新的。我会请总公司明天派人来做详细介绍。现在就请在申请单上签名，这样就会有更多的资料供那人作分析了。’尽管我们还不了解这项保险的具体情况，但他的热情已经激发出我们对这项保险的强烈需要。等保险合同送达我们时，我们发现它和约翰所说的完全相符。因此他不但让我们每个人都购买了这项保险，后来还增加了保额！”

“本来卡尔也可以卖出这些保险的，但他并没有想办法激起我们购买保险的欲望。”

世界上到处都是充满贪求和欲望的人，所以那少数不存私心帮助别人的人，能够大有收获。他几乎遇不到竞争。欧文·扬这位著名律师及伟大商业领袖曾说：“能够设身处地为别人着想、洞察别人心理的人，永远不必担心自己的前途。”

如果你从本书中学到了一件事——“永远从别人的立场去思考，并从他们的角度来看问题”——如果你从本书中学到了这一点，那么你这一生将会有一个新的里程碑。

分析别人的观点，并激发他对某件东西的强烈需求，并不是为控制这个人，使他做出对你有利而对他不利的事。任何一方都应在这种情况下有所得。例如就前面给维米兰先生的信来说，写信者和收信者都会因为所建议的事情而有所收

Mrs. Anderson won by her letter in that the bank obtained a valuable employee and Mrs. Anderson a suitable job. And in the example of John's sale of insurance to Mr.Lucas, both gained through this transaction.

Another example in which everybody gains through this principle of arousing an eager want comes from Michael E. Whidden of Warwick, Rhode Island, who is a territory salesman for the Shell Oil Company.Mike wanted to become the Number One salesperson in his district, but one service station was holding him back. It was run by an older man who could not be motivated to clean up his station. It was in such poor shape that sales were declining significantly.

This manager would not listen to any of Mike's pleas to upgrade the station. After many exhortations and heart-to-heart talks—all of which had no impact—Mike decided to invite the manager to visit the newest Shell station in his territory.

The manager was so impressed by the facilities at the new station that when Mike visited him the next time, his station was cleaned up and had recorded a sales increase. This enabled Mike to reach the Number One spot in his district. All his talking and discussion hadn't helped, but by arousing an eager want in the manager, by showing him the modem station, he had accomplished his goal, and both the manager and Mike benefited.

Most people go through college and learn to read Virgil and master the mysteries of calculus without ever discovering how their own minds function. For instance: I once gave a course in Effective Speaking for the young college graduates who were entering the employ of the Carrier Corporation, the large air-conditioner manufacturer. One of

获。安德森夫人的信，也使她和银行均有所得，银行得到了一位经验丰富的职员，而安德森夫人则找到了理想的工作。在约翰将保险推销给卢卡斯的例子中，双方也都有所得。

激发别人的迫切需求，使双方都从中受益，这样的例子还有。下面这个例子就是由罗得岛威克市的麦克尔·威登先生说出来的。威登是壳牌石油公司的一名地区推销员。他希望成为区域内最优秀的推销员，但一个加油站使他受到了挫折。这个加油站的经理是一个上了年纪的老人，尽管威登想尽了办法，但老人仍然不能让加油站保持清洁，结果这里的汽油销量大大减少。

不论威登如何劝说，老人就是不动手清理加油站。在多次恳谈和劝说都以失败告终之后，威登决定请他去参观区域内的另一处壳牌加油站。

老人对这个加油站的整洁美观印象深刻。当威登再次来找他时，只见他的加油站已经整理得干干净净，而且汽油销量也创下纪录。威登由此成为地区销售业绩最佳的员工。他以前的劝说和恳谈都没有打动老人，但他激发了老人内心的迫切愿望，并带他去观察另一家加油站，终于达到了他的目标——他和老人也都从中获益。

许多人上大学研读维吉尔的作品，并精通微积分，却从不知道他们的内心活动。例如，我有一次给一些年轻的大学生讲授《高效演讲》，他们即将去卡瑞尔

the participants wanted to persuade the others to play basketball in their free time, and this is about what he said, “I want you to come out and play basketball. I like to play basketball, but the last few times I've been to the gymnasium there haven't been enough people to get up a game. Two or three of us got to throwing the ball around the other night—and I got a black eye. I wish all of you would come down tomorrow night. I want to play basketball.”

Did he talk about anything you want? You don't want to go to a gymnasium that no one else goes to, do you? You don't care about what he wants. You don't want to get a black eye.

Could he have shown you how to get the things you want by using the gymnasium? Surely. More pep.Keener edge to the appetite.Clearer brain.Fun.Games.Basketball.

To repeat Professor Overstreet's wise advice: First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.

One of the students in the author's training course was worried about his little boy. The child was underweight and refused to eat properly. His parents used the usual method. They scolded and nagged.“Mother wants you to eat this and that.”“Father wants you to grow up to be a big man.”

Did the boy pay any attention to these pleas? Just about as much as you pay to one fleck of sand on a sandy beach.

No one with a trace of horse sense would expect a child three years old to react to the

公司工作，这是一家大型空调器生产公司。有一个学生劝别人闲暇时和他一起去打篮球，他是这样说的：“我希望你们去打篮球。我喜欢打篮球，但我最近几次去体育馆时，人数不够，不能打比赛。前天晚上，我们两三个人玩投篮，结果把我眼睛都打肿了。我希望你们明天晚上都来。我想打篮球。”

他提到了你想要的任何东西吗？你不想去一个没人愿去的体育馆，对不对？你不愿关心他想要什么，你也不希望自己的眼睛被打肿。他本来能够让你明白如何利用体育馆来满足你的需要吗？当然能。例如，让你精神焕发、食欲更好、头脑更清醒，得到消遣和锻炼等。

再重复一次奥弗斯特里特教授的明智建议：“首先激发别人的需求。如果能做到这点，就可以如鱼得水，否则办不成任何事情。”

在我的训练班上有一位学员，他非常担心他的儿子。这孩子很瘦，还不愿好好吃饭。他父母为此常采取责备的方法：“妈妈要你吃这个、吃那个！”“爸爸希望你长得又高又大。”

孩子理会这些吗？不会，一点都不会。

任何稍有常识的人，都不会指望一个3岁的孩子能够对30岁的父亲的规劝有什么积极反应，但这正是父亲本来期望的。这真是有些可笑！这位父亲最后领悟了，于是他问自己：“这孩子想要什么？怎样才能将我所要的和他所要的结合

viewpoint of a father thirty years old. Yet that was precisely what that father had expected. It was absurd. He finally saw that. So he said to himself, “What does that boy want? How can I tie up what I want to what he wants?”

It was easy for the father when he started thinking about it. His boy had a tricycle that he loved to ride up and down the sidewalk in front of the house in Brooklyn. A few doors down the street lived a bully—a bigger boy who would pull the little boy off his tricycle and ride it himself.

Naturally, the little boy would run screaming to his mother, and she would have to come out and take the bully off the tricycle and put her little boy on again. This happened almost every day.

What did the little boy want? It didn't take a Sherlock Holmes to answer that one. His pride, his anger, his desire for a feeling of importance—all the strongest emotions in his makeup—goaded him to get revenge, to smash the bully in the nose. And when his father explained that the boy would be able to wallop the daylights out of the bigger kid someday if he would only eat the things his mother wanted him to eat—when his father promised him that—there was no longer any problem of dietetics. That boy would have eaten spinach, sauerkraut, salt mackerel—anything in order to be big enough to whip the bully who had humiliated him so often.

After solving that problem, the parents tackled another: the little boy had the unholy habit of wetting his bed.

He slept with his grandmother. In the morning, his grandmother would wake up and feel the sheet and say, “Look, Johnny, what you did again last night.”

起来？”

一旦父亲开始思考这个问题时，一切就容易多了。他儿子有辆三轮脚踏车，小家伙总喜欢在家门口的人行道上来回骑车。在他家附近住着一个小坏蛋——一个比他稍大些的孩子，他常常把这小孩拉下车，自己骑上去。当然，这小男孩会哭着告诉母亲。母亲便会立刻出来，将小坏蛋拉下车，再将她儿子抱上去。这种情况几乎每天都会发生。

这孩子需要什么呢？这并不需要福尔摩斯来解答。他需要的是自尊、发泄怒火，以及得到显要感——所有最强烈的情感——都在驱使他去“复仇”，揍扁那个坏蛋的鼻子。于是，当父亲告诉他，只要他不挑食，乖乖地吃饭的话，终有一天他会把那坏蛋打得落花流水——当父亲向他作了这种保证之后，他果然不再挑食了。他开始愿意吃菠菜、白菜、咸鱼以及任何其他食物，想让自己快些长大，好狠狠地揍那个经常羞辱他的坏蛋一顿。

解决这个问题之后，这对父母又面临着另一件麻烦——这小男孩有尿床的坏习惯。

他和奶奶睡一张床。每天早上，奶奶醒了之后会摸摸床单，说：“你看，约翰，你昨晚又干了什么？”

小孩会说：“没有，不是我干的，是你。”

He would say, “No, I didn't do it. You did it.”

Scolding, spanking, shaming him, reiterating that the parents didn't want him to do it—none of these things kept the bed dry. So the parents asked, “How can we make this boy want to stop wetting his bed?”

What were his wants? First, he wanted to wear pajamas like Daddy instead of wearing a nightgown like Grandmother. Grandmother was getting fed up with his nocturnal iniquities, so she gladly offered to buy him a pair of pajamas if he would reform. Second, he wanted a bed of his own. Grandma didn't object.

His mother took him to a department store in Brooklyn, winked at the salesgirl, and said, “Here is a little gentleman who would like to do some shopping.”

The salesgirl made him feel important by saying, “Young man, what can I show you?”

He stood a couple of inches taller and said, “I want to buy a bed for myself.”

When he was shown the one his mother wanted him to buy, she winked at the salesgirl and the boy was persuaded to buy it.

The bed was delivered the next day; and that night, when Father came home, the little boy ran to the door shouting, “Daddy! Daddy! Come upstairs and see my bed that I bought!”

The father, looking at the bed, obeyed Charles Schwab's injunction: he was “hearty in his approbation and lavish in his praise.”

“You are not going to wet this bed, are you?” the father said.

“Oh, no, no! I am not going to wet this bed.” The boy kept his promise, for his pride was involved. That was his bed. He and he alone had bought it. And he was wearing

打他、骂他，甚至羞辱他，一再强调父母不许他尿床——都无济于事。于是，父母开始自问：“怎样才能让他愿意停止尿床呢？”他想要什么？第一，他想和父亲一样穿睡衣，而不是像奶奶那样穿睡袍。由于奶奶受够了他半夜尿床之苦，她答应如果他不再尿床的话，会很高兴地为他买一套睡衣。第二，他想要一张自己的床。奶奶当然也不反对。

于是，他母亲把他带到布鲁克林的一家百货商店，用眼光示意售货员小姐，说：“这位小先生想买点东西。”

售货员小姐以一种让男孩颇感受尊重的口气说：“小伙子，我能为你效劳吗？”

他站在那里，立刻像长高了两寸的样子，说：“我要给自己买张床。”

当他看过他母亲看中的一张床之后，母亲冲着售货员小姐使了个眼神。在售货员小姐的劝说下，小男孩“买”了这张床。

第二天，床送到了。父亲晚上回家时，小男孩跑到门口，叫道：“爸爸，爸爸！快上楼来看我给自己买的床。”

当父亲看到那张床之后，遵循施瓦伯“诚于嘉许，宽于称道”的规诫，问儿子：“你不会尿湿这张床，是不是？”

“啊，是的，是的！我当然不会。”为了自尊，小男孩果然遵守住了诺言。这是“他”的床，而且是“他”自己买来的。他现在穿着睡衣，就像个小大人。

pajamas now like a little man. He wanted to act like a man. And he did.

Another father, K. T.Dutschmann, a telephone engineer, a student of this course, couldn't get his three-year-old daughter to eat breakfast food. The usual scolding, pleading, coaxing methods had all ended in futility. So the parents asked themselves, “How can we make her want to do it?”

The little girl loved to imitate her mother, to feel big and grown up; so one morning they put her on a chair and let her make the breakfast food. At just the psychological moment, Father drifted into the kitchen while she was stirring the cereal and she said, “Oh, look, Daddy, I am making the cereal this morning.”

She ate two helpings of the cereal without any coaxing, because she was interested in it. She had achieved a feeling of importance; she had found in making the cereal an avenue of self-expression.

William Winter once remarked that “self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature.” Why can't we adapt this same psychology to business dealings? When we have a brilliant idea, instead of making others think it is ours, why not let them cook and stir the idea themselves? They will then regard it as their own; they will like it and maybe eat a couple of helpings of it.

Remember:“First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”

Principle 3：Arouse in the other person an eager want.

他希望自己像个大人，而他也做到了。

另一个名叫德施曼的父亲，他是一位电话工程师，也是我班上一位学员，很难让他3岁的女儿吃早餐。普通的手段，如责骂、请求、哄骗等都不奏效。于是父母就问自己：“我们怎样才能使她‘要’吃早餐？”

这小女孩喜欢模仿她母亲，喜欢让自己看上去像个大人。于是一天早上，他们把她放在一张椅子上，让她来做早餐。就在她搅拌早餐的时候，父亲走进厨房。她说：“瞧，爸爸，今天早上我自己做的早餐。”

那天早上，她没用任何诱哄就吃了两碗粥，因为她对早餐已经产生了兴趣。她从中获得了自重，从做早餐中找到了表现自我的方式。

威廉·温特尔曾说过：“自我表现是人类天性中最重要的因素。”为什么我们不在工作中应用同样的心理学呢？当我们有了一个好主意时，何不让对方说出来，而不让对方认为这是我们想到的？这样，他们会认为这是他们的主意而异常喜欢的，或许还会吃上两大碗呢！

记住：“首先激发别人的需求。如果能做到这点，就可以如鱼得水，否则办不成任何事情。”

第三项规则：激发别人的强烈需求。