第1章　这样做你就会到处受欢迎

为什么要通过读本书来学习如何赢得朋友呢？为什么不向世界上最善于交友的人学习这种技巧呢？他又是谁？当你明天走到街上时，你也许会遇到他。当你走到距他10英尺之内的地方时，他就会开始摇尾巴。如果你停下来轻轻地抚摸他，他就会异常高兴地跳起来，向你表示他是多么喜欢你。而且你也知道，在他这种亲热表现的背后，并没有其他的目的：他并不是想将一块地产推销给你，也不是要和你结婚。

你是否曾静下心来想过，狗是唯一不需要为生活而工作的动物呢？母鸡需要下蛋、母牛需要产奶、金丝雀必须唱歌。而狗只需要把它的爱给你，就可以生活无忧。

当我5岁的时候，我父亲花50美分给我买了一只小黄毛狗。它是我童年时代的光明和快乐源泉。每天下午大约4点半，它就会坐在院子前面，用它那美丽的眼睛静静地望着小道，只要一听到我的声音，或看见我晃着饭盒穿过矮树林时，它就会像箭一般，气喘吁吁地跑上小山，又跳又叫地欢迎我。蒂比和我做了5年的好朋友。然后，在一个悲惨的晚上——我永远也不会忘记的晚上——在离我10

divine instinct that you can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.Let me repeat that. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Yet I know and you know people who blunder through life trying to wigwag other people into becoming interested in them. Of course, it doesn't work.People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves—morning, noon and after dinner. The New York Telephone Company made a derailed study of telephone conversations to find out which word is the most frequently used. You have guessed it: it is the personal pronoun “I.”“I.”“I.” It was used 3900 times in 500 telephone conversations.“I.”“I.”“I.”“I.” When you see a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look for first? If we merely try to impress people and get people interested in us, we will never have many true, sincere friends.Friends, real friends, are not made that way.

Alfred Adler, the famous Viennese psychologist, wrote a book entitled What Life Should Mean to You. In that book he says, “It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”

You may read scores of erudite tomes on psychology without coming across a statement more significant for you and for me.Adler's statement is so rich with meaning that I am going to repeat it in italices: It is the individual who is not interested in his

英尺远的地方，它被电击死了。蒂比的死是我童年时代的悲剧。

蒂比，你从来都没有读过心理学。你也不必去读。你可以通过你的直觉知道这点。如果你真的关心别人，那么你在两个月内所交到的朋友要比一个总想让别人关心他的人在两年内所交的朋友还要多。让我再重复一遍：如果你关心别人，你在两个月内所交到的朋友会比一个总想让别人关心他的人在两年之内所交的朋友还要多。

但是你和我都知道，有的人就是一辈子都难以醒悟过来，总是想让别人对他们感兴趣。当然，这种方法是行不通的。因为别人并不在意你。他们对我也不关心。他们只关心自己——无论是在早晨、中午，还是晚上。纽约电话公司曾对电话中的谈话内容做过详细研究，以了解哪些词在电话中最常用。你已经猜到了，那就是“我”“我”“我”。在500次电话谈话中，这个词曾被用过3900次。当你看一张你也在里面的团体照片时，你会先看谁呢？假如我们只想引起别人的注意，让别人对我们留下印象，我们永远不会有许多真挚而诚恳的朋友。朋友，真正的朋友，不是用那种方法交来的。

维也纳已故著名心理学家阿尔弗雷德·阿德勒写过一本书叫《生活的意义》。在那本书中，他说：“对别人漠不关心的人，他的一生困难最多，对别人的伤害也最大。所有人类的失败，都是由这些人造成的。”

fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.

I once took a course in short-story writing at New York University, and during that course the editor of a leading magazine talked to our class. He said he could pick up any one of the dozens of stories that drifted across his desk every day and after reading a few paragraphs he could feel whether or not the author liked people.“If the author doesn't like people,” he said, “people won't like his or her stories.”

This hard-boiled editor stopped twice in the course of his talk on fiction writing and apologized for preaching a sermon.“I am telling you,” he said, “the same things your preacher would tell you, but remember, you have to be interested in people if you want to be a successful writer of stories.”

If that is true of writing fiction, you can be sure it is true of dealing with people face-to-face.

I spent an evening in the dressing room of Howard Thurston the last time he appeared on Broadway—Thurston was the acknowledged dean of magicians. For forty years he had traveled all over the world, time and again, creating illusions, mystifying audiences, and making people gasp with astonishment.More than 60 million people had paid admission to his show, and he had made almost$2 million in profit.

I asked Mr. Thurston to tell me the secret of his success. His schooling certainly had nothing to do with it, for he ran away from home as a small boy, became a hobo, rode in boxcars, slept in haystacks, begged his food from door to door, and learned to read by looking out of boxcars at signs along the railway.

你也许读过几十卷关于心理学方面的书，却再也找不到比这句话对你和我更重要的了。阿德勒这句话太具有深意了，所以我重录于下：“对别人漠不关心的人，他的一生困难最多，对别人的伤害也最大。所有人类的失败，都是由这些人造成的。”

我曾在纽约大学选修一门关于短篇小说写作的课。上课时，一家重要杂志的一位编辑为我们上课。他说当他每天拿起桌子上堆着的几十篇小说中的任何一篇，只需要读完几段，就能感觉出作者是否喜欢人。“如果作者不喜欢别人，”他说，“别人也不会喜欢他的小说。”

这位阅历很深的编辑在他的讲课中曾停下来两次，为他所讲的那些大道理道歉。“现在我告诉你们的，”他说，“和你们的牧师告诉你们的一样。但是请记住，如果你要做一个成功的小说家，你必须关心别人。”

如果写小说是那样的话，那么在待人接物方面就更应该如此了。

当塞斯顿最后一次在百老汇演出时，我曾去他的化妆室待了一整晚——塞斯顿被认为是“魔术之王”。他周游世界40年，一再创造出各种幻象，令观众如痴如醉，使人惊奇不已。总共有超过6000万的人掏钱观看他的表演，而他也得到了大约200万美元的收入。

我请塞斯顿先生将他的成功秘诀告诉我。当然，他的学校教育与此毫无关

Did he have a superior knowledge of magic? No, he told me hundreds of books had been written about legerdemain and scores of people knew as much about it as he did. But he had two things that the others didn't have.First, he had the ability to put his personality across the footlights. He was a master showman. He knew human nature. Everything he did, every gesture, every intonation of his voice, every lifting of an eyebrow had been carefully rehearsed in advance, and his actions were timed to split seconds. But, in addition to that, Thurston had a genuine interest in people. He told me that many magicians would look at the audience and say to themselves, “Well, there is a bunch of suckers out there, a bunch of hicks; I'll fool them all right.” But Thurston's method was totally different. He told me that every time he went on stage he said to himself, “I am grateful because these people come to see me. They make it possible for me to make my living in a very agreeable way. I'm going to give them the very best I possibly can.”

He declared he never stepped in front of the footlights without first saying to himself over and over, “I love my audience. I love my audience.” Ridiculous? Absurd? You are privileged to think anything you like. I am merely passing it on to you without comment as a recipe used by one of the most famous magicians of all time.

George Dyke of North Warren, Pennsylvania, was forced to retire from his service station business after thirty years when a new highway was constructed over the site of his station. It wasn't long before the idle days of retirement began to bore him, so he started filling in his time trying to play music on his old fiddle. Soon he was traveling the area to listen to music and talk with many of the accomplished fiddlers. In his humble and friendly way he became generally interested in learning the background and

系，因为他在幼年时就离家出走，成了一个流浪儿，沿途搭乘货车，睡在草堆上，一路上以乞讨为生，靠坐在车上观看铁路沿线的标识而学会了认字。

是他的魔术知识高人一筹吗？不是。他告诉我：关于魔术的书已经有几百种，而且有几十个人知道的魔术同他一样多。但他有两点是其他人所没有的。首先，他在舞台上能够展现自己的个性。他是一位表演天才，了解人类的天性。因此他的每个手势、每种声调、每一次提起眼眉，都是提前演习好了的，而他的每一个动作也都配合得分秒不差。除此之外，塞斯顿还有一点就是对人有热情。他告诉我，许多魔术家会面对观众，而对他们自己说：“好，那里是一群笨蛋，一群乡巴佬。我可以把他们骗得团团转。”但塞斯顿却完全不同。他告诉我，每次上台时，他都会对自己说：“我很感动，因为这些人来看我的表演。是他们使我过上了舒适的生活。我一定尽力为他们演出最好的节目。”

他说他每次走到台前时，总会对自己说：“我爱我的观众。我爱我的观众。”可笑吗？荒诞不经吗？你怎么想都可以。但我只不过是不加评论地把有史以来最著名的魔术家所用的方法传授给了你。

住在宾夕法尼亚州北华伦城的乔治·戴克，由于他的服务站被一条高速公路抢走了好位置而不得不提前退休。没过多久，无聊的退休生活就让他难以忍受，于是他开始演奏他那把旧小提琴来打发时日。不久，他到处旅行，到处听音乐，

interests of every musician he met.Although he was not a great fiddler himself, he made many friends in this pursuit. He attended competitions and soon became known to the country music fans in the eastern part of the United States as “Uncle George, the Fiddle Scraper from Kinzua County.” When we heard Uncle George, he was seventy-two and enjoying every minute of his life. By having a sustained interest in other people, he created a new life for himself at a time when most people consider their productive years over.

That, too, was one of the secrets of Theodore Roosevelt's astonishing popularity. Even his servants loved him. His valet, James E.Amos, wrote a book about him entitled Theodore Roosevelt, Hero to His Valet. In that book Amos relates this illuminating incident:

My wife one time asked the President about a bobwhite. She had never seen one and he described it to her fully. Sometime later, the telephone at our cottage rang.[Amos and his wife lived in a little cottage on the Roosevelt estate at Oyster Bay.]My wife answered it and it was Mr.Roosevelt himself. He had called her, he said, to tell her that there was a bobwhite outside her window and that if she would look out she might see it.Little things like that were so characteristic of him. Whenever he went by our cottage, even though we were out of sight, we would hear him call out, “Oo-oo-oo, Annie?” or “Oo-oo-oo, James!” It was just a friendly greeting as he went by.

How could employees keep from liking a man like that? How could anyone keep from liking him?

Roosevelt called at the White House one day when the President and Mrs. Taft were

向那些修养极高的小提琴家请教。尽管他不是什么伟大的提琴家，但是他以谦虚友善的态度去了解别人，结交他所认识的每一位音乐家，结果他交到了许多朋友。他去参加比赛，不久美国东部的那些乡村音乐迷很快就知道了“来自金兹阿乡村的拉小提琴的乔治叔叔”。这时乔治已经72岁了，但他还在享受自己生命中的每一分钟。由于对别人具有持续的热情和兴趣，当大多数人都认为他们已经行将就木时，他却为自己创造了一个崭新的生命。

这也正是西奥多·罗斯福深受爱戴的秘诀之一。即使他的仆人也敬爱他。他的男仆詹姆斯·阿莫斯曾写过一本关于他的书，名叫《西奥多·罗斯福，他仆人的英雄》。在那本书中，阿莫斯提到了一件很具有启发性的事：

“有一次我妻子问总统鹑鸟的事。她从来没有见过这种鸟。他给她作了详细描述。过了没多久，我屋里的电话响了（阿莫斯和他妻子住在牡蛎湾罗斯福住宅的一间小屋里）。我妻子去接电话，打电话的是罗斯福先生本人。他说他打来电话，就是要告诉她，在她的窗外正好有一只鹑鸟，如果她向窗外面看的话，也许可以看见它。许多这样的小事情，正是他的特点。无论他什么时候经过我们屋，虽然看不见我们，但我们总是能听见他‘哦，哦，哦……安妮！’或‘哦，哦，哦……詹姆斯！’的招呼声。那是他经过我们时对我们的友善问候。”

作为仆人，怎么会不喜欢这样的人呢？谁会不喜欢他呢？

away. His honest liking for humble people was shown by the fact that he greeted all the old White House servants by name, even the scullery maids.

“When he saw Alice, the kitchen maid,” writes Archie Butt, “he asked her if she still made corn bread. Alice told him that she sometimes made it for the servants, but no one ate it upstairs.

“‘they show bad taste，'Roosevelt boomed，‘and I'll tell the President so when I see him.'”

“Alice brought a piece to him on a plate, and he went over to the office eating it as he went and greeting gardeners and laborers as he passed...

“He addressed each person just as he had addressed them in the past. Ike Hoover, who had been head usher at the White House for forty years, said with tears in his eyes，‘It is the only happy day we had in nearly two years, and not one of us would exchange it for a hundred-dollar bill.'”

The same concern for the seemingly unimportant people helped sales representative Edward M. Sykes, Jr., of Chatham, New Jersey, retain an account.“Many years ago,” he reported, “I called on customers for Johnson and Johnson in the Massachusetts area. One account was a drugstore in Hingham. Whenever I went into this store I would always talk to the soda clerk and sales clerk for a few minutes before talking to the owner to obtain his order. One day I went up to the owner of the store, and he told me to leave as he was not interested in buying J&J products anymore because he felt they were concentrating their activities on food and discount stores to the detriment of the small drugstore. I left with my tail between my legs and drove around the town for several

有一天，罗斯福去白宫，恰好塔夫脱总统和夫人出去了。他那真诚地喜欢身份卑微者的善良品性这时得到了鲜明的表现：他向白宫所有原来当差的伙伴们，甚至做杂务的女仆直呼姓名，向他们问好。

“当他看见厨房的女仆艾丽斯时，”亚奇·巴特这样写道，“他问她是否还做玉米面包。艾丽斯告诉他说她有时候做给仆人们吃，但楼上已经不再有人吃了。”

“‘他们没口福，’罗斯福大声说，‘等我见到总统时，我会告诉他。’

“艾丽斯拿了一块玉米面包放在托盘上递给他，他边走边吃，一直来到办公室。当走过那些园丁或工役面前时，便向他们问好……

“他向每个人问好，正如他从前所做的那样。一个名叫艾克·胡福的人在白宫服务40年，他眼中含泪地说：‘这是我们最近两年中唯一快乐的日子。我们谁都不会将它与一张100美元的钞票交换。’”

也正是这种对普通人的关怀，新泽西州查特汉市一位销售代表爱德华·赛克斯重新赢得了一笔生意。“许多年前，”赛克斯说，“在马萨诸塞，我为强生公司前去拜访一位客户。这是一个住在印姆的杂货店经销商。每次我去这家商店时，总是先和店伙计说几句话，再和店主谈订单的事。有一次我正想和店主谈订单，他突然让我走开，还说他再也不想买强生公司的东西了，因为他觉得强生公司几乎将全部精力放在了食品店和折扣店上，而对小杂货店造成了损害。我赶紧

hours.Finally, I decided to go back and try at least to explain our position to the owner of the store.

“When I returned I walked in and as usual said hello to the soda clerk and sales clerk. When I walked up to the owner, he smiled at me and welcomed me back. He then gave me double the usual order. I looked at him with surprise and asked him what had happened since my visit only a few hours earlier. He pointed to the young man at the soda fountain and said that after I had left, the boy had come over and said that I was one of the few salespeople that called on the store that even bothered to say hello to him and to the others in the store. He told the owner that if any salesperson deserved his business, it was I. The owner agreed and remained a loyal customer. I never forgot that to be genuinely interested in other people is a most important quality for a salesperson to possess—for any person, for that matter.”

I have discovered from personal experience that one can win the attention and time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them. Let me illustrate.

Years ago I conducted a course in fiction writing at the Brooklyn Institute of Arts and Sciences, and we wanted such distinguished and busy authors as Kathleen Norris, Fannie Hurst, Ida Tarbell, Albert Payson Terhune and Rupert Hughes to come to Brooklyn and give us the benefit of their experiences. So we wrote them, saying we admired their work and were deeply interested in getting their advice and learning the secrets of their success.

Each of these letters was signed by about a hundred and fifty students. We said we

离开了，进城兜了几圈。后来我决定再返回去，因为我至少得向店主解释一下我们的情况。

“我回来后，像平时一样先和店伙计打了个招呼。我走近店主时，店主笑着欢迎我回来，并且给了我比平时多两倍的订单。我惊讶地看着他，问他我离开的几个小时内发生了什么事情。店主指着卖冷饮的店伙计说，我走之后，店伙计说我是少数向他和其他店伙计打招呼的推销员。他告诉店主，如果有某人值得与其做生意的话，那就是我了。店主觉得也对，仍旧成为我忠实的客户。我永远都不会忘记，真心关注别人，会是推销员应拥有的最重要的品格——对任何人都一样，不只是就这件事来说如此。”

我从个人的经验中也已经发现，一个人凭着对他人的真诚关心，能够获得即使是最忙的人的注意，占有他们的时间，并赢得他们的合作。让我举例说明。

许多年前，我在布鲁克林文理学院开设了一门小说创作课。我们打算邀请一些知名而且十分忙碌的作家，例如凯瑟琳·诺里斯、凡尼·赫斯德、伊达·塔贝尔、亚尔伯特·德恩、卢伯特·休斯到布鲁克林来为我们讲授经验。我们给他们写信，说我们仰慕他们的作品，并深切地希望获得他们的指导，学习他们成功的秘诀。

每封信都由大约150名学员签名。我们说我们知道他们很忙——忙得没有时间准备演讲稿。所以我们在信里面附上了一份问卷，好让他们介绍他们自己及他们的

realized that these authors were busy—too busy to prepare a lecture. So we enclosed a list of questions for them to answer about themselves and their methods of work. They liked that. Who wouldn't like it? So they left their homes and traveled to Brooklyn to give us a helping hand.

By using the same method, I persuaded Leslie M. Shaw, secretary of the treasury in Theodore Roosevelt's cabinet; George W.Wickersham, attorney general in Taft's cabinet; William Jennings Bryan; Franklin D.Roosevelt and many other prominent men to come to talk to the students of my courses in public speaking.

All of us, be we workers in a factory, clerks in an office or even a king upon his throne—all of us like people who admire us. Take the German Kaiser, for example. At the close of World War I he was probably the most savagely and universally despised man on this earth. Even his own nation turned against him when he fled over into Holland to save his neck. The hatred against him was so intense that millions of people would have loved to tear him limb from limb or burn him at the stake. In the midst of all this forest fire of fury, one little boy wrote the Kaiser a simple, sincere letter glowing with kindliness and admiration. This little boy said that no matter what the others thought, he would always love Wilhelm as his Emperor. The Kaiser was deeply touched by his letter and invited the little boy to come to see him. The boy came, so did his mother—and the Kaiser married her. That little boy didn't need to read a book on how to win friends and influence people. He knew how instinctively.

If we want to make friends, let's put ourselves out to do things for other people—

工作方法。他们喜欢我们那样做。谁会不喜欢呢？所以他们都特意从家里赶到布鲁克林，来给我们提供帮助。

用同样的方法，我曾邀请到西奥多·罗斯福总统任期内的财政部长莱斯利·肖，塔夫脱总统任期内的司法部长乔治·威格萨姆，还有威廉·拜伦、富兰克林·罗斯福以及其他许多名人来给我班上的学员演讲。

我们所有的人——无论是工厂工人、办公室职员，或是宝座上的君王——任何人都喜欢那些尊敬我们的人。就以德国皇帝凯瑟为例。在第一次世界大战结束的时候，他大概是世界上最受轻视的人。因为即使他的国民在他为了保住性命而打算逃亡荷兰时全都反对他。人们如此憎恨他，以至于成千上万的人都希望把他手足撕裂，或钉在火刑柱上烧死。在这怒火难以抑制的时候，有一个小孩给德国皇帝写了一封简单而诚恳的信，信中充满了仁爱和钦佩。这个小孩说，不论其他人是怎么想的，他都永远希望敬爱的威廉当他的皇帝。皇帝被他的信深深感动，邀请小男孩去看他。小男孩来了，他母亲也来了——德国皇帝娶了她。这个小孩根本就没有必要去读一本如何交友以及如何影响他人的书，因为他天生就知道这些。

如果我们想要交朋友的话，我们就应该去为别人效劳——去做那些需要花时间、精力、奉献和思考的事。当温莎公爵还是威尔士王储的时候，就计划周游南美。他在出发以前，花了好几个月的时间学习西班牙语言，这样他才能够用当地

things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness. When the Duke of Windsor was Prince of Wales, he was scheduled to tour South America, and before he started out on that tour he spent months studying Spanish so that he could make public talks in the language of the country; and the South Americans loved him for it.

For years I made it a point to find out the birthdays of my friends. How? Although I haven't the foggiest bit of faith in astrology, I began by asking the other party whether he believed the date of one's birth has anything to do with character and disposition. I then asked him or her to tell me the month and day of birth. If he or she said November 24, for example, I kept repeating to myself, “November 24, November 24.” The minute my friend's back was turned, I wrote down the name and birthday and later would transfer it to a birthday book. At the beginning of each year, I had these birthday dates scheduled in my calendar pad so that they came to my attention automatically. When the natal day arrived, there was my letter or telegram. What a hit it made! I was frequently the only person on earth who remembered.

If we want to make friends, let's greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology.Say “Hello” in tones that bespeak how pleased you are to have the person call. Many companies train their telephone operators to greet all callers in a tone of voice that radiates interest and enthusiasm. The caller feels the company is concerned about them.Let's remember that when we answer the telephone tomorrow.

Showing a genuine interest in others not only wins friends for you, but may develop in its customers a loyalty to your company. In an issue of the publication of the National

语言演讲。南美人也因此而喜欢他。

许多年来，我一直都在打听我那些朋友的生日。怎样才能做到这点呢？尽管我根本就不相信星相学，但我总是会先问对方，是否相信一个人的生辰与性格有关。然后我就会请他将他的生辰告诉我。例如，如果他或她说11月24日，我就会反复地说：“11月24日，11月24日。”等他转过身时，我会立即记下他的姓名和生日，然后每年年初我再把这些生日排列后再誊到我的日历上，到时它就会引起我的注意。到了某个人生日那天，我会给他写信或发电报。他们多么兴奋啊！我恐怕是这个世界上唯一记住他生日的人。

如果我们想要交朋友的话，就要用生机和热情去应对别人。当别人给你打电话时，你也应该用同样的心理学。你和他说话的声音要表示出你多么喜欢他给你打电话。许多公司训练他们的接线员，要求他们接电话时语气要透出关心和热情，让打电话过来的人感觉公司对他们的关注。明天我们接电话时，也要记住这一点。

对别人表达你的真诚关注，不但可以让你交到许多朋友，还可以为你的公司增加客户的忠诚度。纽约的北美国家银行一份出版物中，刊登了一位储户梅德兰·罗斯黛的来信：

“我真希望您能知道我是多么欣赏贵公司的员工。他们每个人都这么热情

Bank of North America of New York, the following letter from Madeline Rosedal, a depositor, was published:

“I would like you to know how much I appreciate your staff. Everyone is so courteous, polite and helpful. What a pleasure it is, after waiting on a long line, to have the teller greet you pleasantly.

“Last year my mother was hospitalized for five months. Frequently I went to Marie Petrucello, a teller. She was concerned about my mother and inquired about her progress.”

Is there any doubt that Mrs. Rosedale will continue to use this bank?

Charles R. Walters, of one of the large banks in New York City, was assigned to prepare a confidential report on a certain corporation. He knew of only one person who possessed the facts he needed so urgently. As Mr.Walters was ushered into the president's office, a young woman stuck her head through a door and told the president that she didn't have any stamps for him that day.

“I am collecting stamps for my twelve-year-old son,” the president explained to Mr. Walters.

Mr. Walters stated his mission and began asking questions. The president was vague, general, nebulous. He didn't want to talk, and apparently nothing could persuade him to talk. The interview was brief and barren.

“Frankly, I didn't know what to do,” Mr. Walters said as he related the story to the class.“Then I remembered what his secretary had said to him—stamps, twelve-year-old son... And I also recalled that the foreign department of our bank collected stamps—

有礼，助人为乐。当我在排了长长的队之后，会有一位员工来向我亲切地打个招呼，这令人感到很愉快。

“去年，我母亲生病住了5个月的院。我那时经常遇到贵公司一位员工玛丽。她很关心我的母亲，问了她的病情。”

罗斯黛是否和这家银行继续往来呢？

查尔斯·华尔德是纽约市一家大银行的员工，有一次受命准备一份关于某公司的机密文件。他知道只有某个人掌握了他急需的这些材料。当华尔德被引进这位董事长办公室时，一位年轻女子从门外伸进头来，告诉董事长说她今天没有什么可给他的邮票。

董事长对华尔德解释道：“我正在为我12岁的儿子收集邮票。”

华尔德说明自己的来意，开始问问题。这位董事长的回答含混不清——很明显，他不愿讲话，没有什么事情能够让他开口的。因此这次会谈变得简短而枯燥。

“说实话，我当时不知如何是好，”华尔德在我班上讲这件事时说，“然后，我想起他的秘书对他说过的话——邮票，12岁的儿子……同时我又想起我们银行的外汇兑换部经常收集邮票——世界各地寄来的信上取下的邮票。

“第二天下午，我再次去拜访这位董事长，并请人传话进去，说我有些邮票

stamps taken from letters pouring in from every continent washed by the seven seas.

“The next afternoon I called on this man and sent in word that I had some stamps for his boy. Was I ushered in with enthusiasm? Yes sir, He couldn't have shaken my hand with more enthusiasm if he had been running for Congress. He radiated smiles and good will.‘My George will love this one，'he kept saying as he fondled the stamps.‘And look at this! This is a treasure.'

“We spent half an hour talking stamps and looking at a picture of his boy, and he then devoted more than an hour of his time to giving me every bit of information I wanted—without my even suggesting that he do it. He told me all he knew, and then called in his subordinates and questioned them. He telephoned some of his associates. He loaded me down with facts, figures, reports and correspondence. In the parlance of newspaper reporters, I had a scoop.”

Here is another illustration:

C. M.Knaphle, Jr.of Philadelphia had tried for years to sell fuel to a large chain-store organization. But the chain-store company continued to purchase its fuel from an out-of-town dealer and haul it right past the door of Knaphle's office.Mr.Knaphle made a speech one night before one of my classes, pouring out his hot wrath upon chain stores, branding them as a curse to the nation. And still he wondered why he couldn't sell them. I suggested that he try different tactics. To put it briefly, this is what happened. We staged a debate between members of the course on whether the spread of the chain stores is doing the country more harm than good.

Knaphle, at my suggestion, took the negative side; he agreed to defend the chain

要给他的儿子。我是不是受到了热烈欢迎呢？当然。即使是他要竞选国会议员，也不可能那么热情地握着我的手了。他发出善意的微笑说，‘我的乔治肯定会喜欢的，’他抚摸着邮票不断地说，‘看这张！这可是无价之宝啊！’

“我们花了一个小时谈论邮票，并看了他儿子的照片。然后，他用了一个多小时的时间，谈了我所需要的一切情况——我没有要求他那样做。他讲了他知道的一切，又把他的下属叫进来询问。他还给几位常有来往的人打了电话。他把所有的事实、数字、报告以及信件全都给了我。用一位新闻记者的话来说，我得了一个‘大丰收’。”

下面还有另外一个例子：

多年来，费城的克纳夫尔先生一直想将煤推销给一家大型连锁公司。但这家公司仍旧愿意经过克纳夫尔先生的办公室门口，向市外一个煤商采购燃煤。一天晚上，克纳夫尔先生在我的班上做了一次演讲，对连锁公司大加指责，认为他们的行为是国家的一颗毒瘤。可是，他依然不知道他为什么不能把煤卖给他们。我建议他试试其他手段。简而言之，后来的情形是这样的。我将班上的学员分成两支队伍，就“连锁公司的广泛分布对国家是否害多益少”进行辩论。

按照我的建议，克纳夫尔先生加入反对方，他同意为连锁公司做辩护。于是，他径直去找那家被他大加指责的连锁公司的经理，对他说：“我来这里并不

stores, and then went straight to an executive of the chain-store organization that he despised and said, “I am not here to try to sell fuel. I have come to ask you to do me a favor.” He then told about his debate and said, “I have come to you for help because I can't think of anyone else who would be more capable of giving me the facts I want. I'm anxious to win this debate, and I'll deeply appreciate whatever help you can give me.”

Here is the rest of the story in Mr. Knaphle's own words:

I had asked this man for precisely one minute of his time. It was with that understanding that he consented to see me. After I had stated my case, he motioned me to a chair and talked to me for exactly one hour and forty-seven minutes. He called in another executive who had written a book on chain stores. He wrote to the National Chain Store Association and secured for me a copy of a debate on the subject. He feels that the chain store is rendering a real service to humanity. He is proud of what he is doing for hundreds of communities. His eyes fairly glowed as he talked, and I must confess that he opened my eyes to things I had never even dreamed of. He changed my whole mental attitude.

As I was leaving, he walked with me to the door, put his arm around my shoulder, wished me well in my debate, and asked me to stop in and see him again and let him know how I made out. The last words he said to me were, “Please see me again later in the spring. I should like to place an order with you for fuel.”

To me that was almost a miracle. Here he was offering to buy fuel without my even suggesting it. I had made more headway in two hours by becoming genuinely interested in him and his problems than I could have made in ten years trying to get him interested

是向你推销煤的。我只是来请你帮我一个忙。”于是他讲了这场辩论赛，并说：“我来请你帮忙，因为我想没有什么人会比你更适合为我提供我所需要的材料。我非常想赢得这场辩论赛，无论你能给我什么帮助，我都将非常感激。”

下面是克纳夫尔先生对后来情况的介绍：

“我请他给我一分钟的时间。由于讲了这个条件，他才答应见我。但是当我说明来意之后，他让我坐下，和我谈了1小时47分钟。他还叫进来另一位曾写过一本关于连锁经营的书的高级职员向我介绍相关情况。他还给全国连锁公司联合会写信，替我要了一份这方面的资料。他觉得连锁公司是真正为人们服务的，他对于能够为成千上万的人服务而自豪。他谈话的时候，精神焕发，而我也必须承认，他开阔了我的眼界，使我看见了我以前连做梦都没有想过的事。他改变了我的整个想法。

“当我离开的时候，他把我送到门口，搂着我的肩，祝我辩论胜利，并请我再来看他，将辩论的结果告诉他。他最后对我说的是：‘请你在春末的时候再来看我。我愿意订购你的煤。’

“对我来说，这几乎是一件不可思议的事。我对于卖煤一个字都没有说，可是他却要买我的煤。我只不过因为对他及他的问题真的感兴趣，因此在不到两个小时内所取得的成果，比我在过去10年当中试图让他对我及我的煤发生兴趣所得

in me and my product.

You didn't discover a new truth, Mr. Knaphle, for a long time ago, a hundred years before Christ was born, a famous old Roman poet, Publilius Syrus, remarked:“We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”

A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It is a two-way street—both parties benefit.

Martin Ginsberg, who took our course in Long Island, New York, reported how the special interest a nurse took in him profoundly affected his life:

“It was Thanksgiving Day and I was ten years old. I was in a welfare ward of a city hospital and was scheduled to undergo major orthopedic surgery the next day. I knew that I could only look forward to months of confinement, convalescence and pain. My father was dead; my mother and I lived alone in a small apartment and we were on welfare. My mother was unable to visit me that day.

“As the day went on, I became overwhelmed with the feeling of loneliness, despair and fear. I knew my mother was home alone worrying about me, not having anyone to be with, not having anyone to eat with and not even having enough money to afford a Thanksgiving Day dinner.

“The tears welled up in my eyes, and I stuck my head under the pillow and pulled the covers over it. I cried silently, but oh so bitterly, so much that my body racked with pain.

“A young student nurse heard my sobbing and came over to me. She took the covers off my face and started wiping my tears. She told me how lonely she was, having to work that

的还多。”

克纳夫尔先生并不是发现了一条新真理，因为很久以前，在基督诞生100年以前，古罗马一位著名的诗人西拉斯就曾说过：“我们对别人产生兴趣的时候，恰好是别人对我们产生兴趣的时候。”

对他人表示关心，这与其他人际关系一样必须真诚。这不仅使得付出关心的人会得到相应的回报，而得到这种关心的人也会同样有所收获。这是一条双向大道，在这条道路上的当事人都会受益。

马丁·金斯伯参加了我们纽约长岛的课程，他说一位护士给他的关怀深深地影响了他的一生。他说：“那天是感恩节，我当时只有10岁，由于生病住进了市里面一家医院，而且第二天就要做手术了。我知道在以后的几周会很痛苦，而且行动都会受到限制。我父亲早已过世了，只有我和母亲相依为命，住在一家小公寓中，靠社会救济金生活。可是那天母亲却不能来看我。

“那天，我陷入了无边无际的寂寞、失望和恐惧中。我也知道母亲正在为我担心，而且也是一个人孤零零地在家里，没有人陪她一同吃饭，甚至没钱买感恩节的晚餐。

“泪水一直在我的眼眶中打转，我把头埋进了枕头下面，一个人暗中伤心哭了起来，全身颤抖着。

day and not being able to be with her family. She asked me whether I would have dinner with her. She brought two trays of food: sliced turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and ice cream for dessert. She talked to me and tried to calm my fears. Even though she was scheduled to go off duty at 4 P.M., she stayed on her own time until almost 11 P.M. She played games with me, talked to me and stayed with me until I finally fell asleep.

“Many Thanksgivings have come and gone since I was ten, but one never passes without me remembering that particular one and my feelings of frustration, fear, loneliness and the warmth and tenderness of the stranger that somehow made it all bearable.”

If you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind:

Principle 1：Become genuinely interested in other people.

“一位年轻的实习护士听到了我的哭声，就到这边来看我。她从我脸上将枕头拿开，替我擦干了眼泪。她说她也很寂寞，那天她必须在医院工作，不能和家人一同吃饭。她又问我愿不愿意和她一同吃晚餐。她拿来了两盘食物：火鸡肉片、马铃薯泥、草莓酱、冰激凌等。她和我聊天，努力安抚我。虽然她下午4点就应该下班回家的，可是她一直陪我到晚上将近11点。她一直和我做游戏、聊天，等我入睡后才走。

“我在10岁以前过了许多感恩节，可是这个感恩节我永远都不会忘记。我还记得当时那种失落、恐惧和孤独。突然一个陌生人的温暖关怀使得这一切都消失得无踪无影了。”

如果你想让别人喜欢你，或者培养真正的友情，或是既帮助别人又帮助自己，那么就要牢记：

第一项规则：真诚地关心别人。