第3章 牢记他人的名字
1898年，在纽约的洛克兰乡发生了一件悲剧：一个孩子死了。这天，邻居正准备去参加葬礼。吉姆·法莱到马厩中去牵他那匹马。地上满是积雪，寒风刺骨，那匹马有好几天都没有运动了，因此当它被拉到水槽边的时候，欢欣鼓舞，奋起双蹄向空中踢去，结果将吉姆·法莱踢死。因此在那个星期，在这个小小的镇子里有两个葬礼，而不是一个。
吉姆·法莱死后，留下了他的妻子和3个孩子，以及几百美元的保险金。
他最大的儿子小吉姆，这时才只有10岁，到砖厂去工作，运沙子，将沙子倒入砖模中，将砖坯翻过来在太阳底下晒干。这个小吉姆从来都没有机会接受什么教育，但因为具有天生的愉快品性，他有一种使别人喜欢他的才能。因此当他从政以后，随着岁月的流逝，他培养起一种记住别人名字的奇特能力。
他从未上过中学，但在他46岁以前，已经有4所大学授予他名誉学位，他还成为美国民主党全国委员会的主席，当上了美国邮政总监。
有一次，我去拜访小吉姆·法莱，问他成功的秘诀。他说：“卖力地工作。”我说：“别开玩笑了。”
He then asked me what I thought was the reason for his success. I replied, “I understand you can call ten thousand people by their first names.”
“No. You are wrong,” he said.“I can call fifty thousand people by their first names.”
Make no mistake about it. That ability helped Mr.Farley put Franklin D.Roosevelt in the White House when he managed Roosevelt's campaign in 1932.
During the years that Jim Farley traveled as a salesman for a gypsum concern, and during the years that he held office as town clerk in Stony Point, he built up a system for remembering names.
In the beginning, it was a very simple one. Whenever he met a new acquaintance, he found out his or her complete name and some facts about his or her family, business and political opinions. He fixed all these facts well in mind as part of the picture, and the next time he met that person, even if it was a year later, he was able to shake hands, inquire after the family, and ask about the hollyhocks in the backyard. No wonder he developed a following!
For months before Roosevelt's campaign for President began, Jim Farley wrote hundreds of letters a day to people all over the western and northwestern states. Then he hopped onto a train and in nineteen days covered twenty states and twelve thousand miles, traveling by buggy, train, automobile and boat. He would drop into town, meet his people at lunch or breakfast, tea or dinner, and give them a “heart-to-heart talk.” Then he'd dash off again on another leg of his journey.
As soon as he arrived back East, he wrote to one person in each town he had
于是他问我，我认为他成功的原因是什么。我说：“我知道你可以叫出一万人的名字。”
“不，不。你错了，”他说，“我能叫出5万人的名字。”
千万不要小看这一点。正是这种能力，才使得小吉姆·法莱于1932年辅佐富兰克林·罗斯福时，使他顺利地入主白宫。
当小吉姆·法莱为一家石膏公司担任推销员而到处奔波的那些年，当他在家乡小镇担任乡间公务员的那段时间，他就找到了一种记住别人姓名的有效方法。
刚开始的时候，这种方法非常简单。每当他接触一个陌生人的时候，总是要问清对方的姓名、他家中有几个人、他的职业和政治观点，并认真地记住这一切，将这些和其本人的面貌联系起来。当下次再遇到那个人时，即使是在一年以后，他都能够和对方握手，问候他的家人，以及他家后院的花草等。难怪有这么多人拥戴他！
在富兰克林·罗斯福开始竞选总统的前几个月，小吉姆一天要写好几百封信给西部及西北部各个州的人。然后他登上火车，在19天内足迹遍及20个州，行程12000公里，用轻便马车、火车、汽车、快艇代步。他每到一个城镇，就要和人们共进午餐或早点、茶点或晚餐，同他们作一番亲切的交谈，然后再奔向下一站。
等他一回到东部，就立刻给他到过的每个城镇的某个人写信，请对方将与他
visited, asking for a list of all the guests to whom he had talked. The final list contained thousands and thousands of names; yet each person on that list was paid the subtle flattery of getting a personal letter from James Farley. These letters began “Dear Bill” or “Dear Jane,” and they were always signed “Jim.”
Jim Farley discovered early in life that the average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it—and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage. For example, I once organized a public-speaking course in Paris and sent off letters to all the American residents in the city.French typists with apparently little knowledge of English filled in the names and naturally they made blunders. One man, the manager of a large American bank in Paris, wrote me a scathing rebuke because his name had been misspelled.
Sometimes it is difficult to remember a name, particularly if it is hard to pronounce. Rather than even try to learn it, many people ignore it or call the person by an easy nickname. Sid Levy called on a customer for some time whose name was Nicodemus Papadoulos.Most people just called him “Nick.” Levy told us, “I made a special effort to say his name over several times to myself before I made my call. When I greeted him by his full name，‘Good afternoon, Mr.Nicodemus Papadoulos，’he was shocked. For what seemed like several minutes there was no reply from him at all.Finally, he said with tears rolling down his cheeks，‘Mr.Levy, in all the fifteen years I have been in this country, nobody has ever made the effort to call me by my right name.’”
谈过话的客人的名单寄给他。最后名单上的名字就多得数不清了，但名单中的每个人都收到了小吉姆一封表达赞美的私人信函。这些信都是用“亲爱的比尔”或“亲爱的简”开头的，而最后总是签着“吉姆”的名字。
小吉姆·法莱早就发现普通人对自己的名字总是很感兴趣，甚至比对世上其他所有名字加起来还要感兴趣。记住一个人的姓名，并且能很容易就叫出来，你就是给对方一种巧妙而有效的恭维。但假若你忘了或记错了某个人的名字——你就会处于极其不利的境地。例如，我曾在巴黎开设了一门公共演讲课程，并向居住在城中的所有美国人寄了信。但法国打字员的英文水平很低，因此在打姓名时自然会出现错误。有一个人是巴黎一家美国大银行的经理，他给我写了一封毫不留情面的责备我的信，因为他的名字拼错了。
要想记住一个人的名字有时很难，尤其是当这个名字不太好念的时候。一般人都不愿记这种名字，而情愿叫对方的昵称。希德·李维曾经拜访过一位顾客，这位顾客的名字叫尼古德马斯·帕帕杜拉斯。由于这个名字太难记，大多数人都叫他“尼克”。李维告诉我：“拜访之前，我特别用心记住了他的名字。当我用全称和他打招呼‘早上好，尼古德马斯·帕帕杜拉斯先生’时，他呆在那里，好几分钟都没有反应。最后，他流着泪说：‘李维先生，我在这个国家已经待了15年，可是从来没有人用我真正的名字来称呼我！’”
安德鲁·卡内基成功的原因是什么？
What was the reason for Andrew Carnegie's success?
He was called the Steel King; yet he himself knew little about the manufacture of steel. He had hundreds of people working for him who knew far more about steel than he did.
But he knew how to handle people, and that is what made him rich. Early in life, he showed a flair for organization, a genius for leadership. By the time he was ten, he too had discovered the astounding importance people place on their own name. And he used that discovery to win cooperation. To illustrate: When he was a boy back in Scotland, he got hold of a rabbit, a mother rabbit.Presto! He soon had a whole nest of little rabbits—and nothing to feed them. But he had a brilliant idea. He told the boys and girls in the neighborhood that if they would go out and pull enough clover and dandelions to feed the rabbits, he would name the bunnies in their honor.
The plan worked like magic, and Carnegie never forgot it.
Years later, he made millions by using the same psychology in business. For example, he wanted to sell steel rails to the Pennsylvania Railroad.J.Edgar Thomson was the president of the Pennsylvania Railroad then. So Andrew Carnegie built a huge steel mill in Pittsburgh and called it the “Edgar Thomson Steel Works.”
Here is a riddle. See if you can guess it. When the Pennsylvania Railroad needed steel rails, where do you suppose J.Edgar Thomson bought them? From Sears, Roebuck? No. No. You're wrong.Guess again.
When Carnegie and George Pullman were battling each other for supremacy in the railroad sleeping-car business, the Steel King again remembered the lesson of the rabbits.
尽管他被誉为“钢铁大王”，但他自己对于钢铁制造的知识知之甚少。他有成千上万的人为他工作，他们在钢铁制造方面懂得的都比他要多得多。
但是他知道如何为人处世，而这正是他发财致富的原因。小时候，他就显露出组织方面的本领和领导天赋。10岁那年，他就发现人们对自己的名字非常重视。于是他就利用这一发现去赢得合作。例如，当他童年时代住在苏格兰的时候，抓到了一只怀孕的母兔。很快，他就有了一窝小兔子——可是他没有东西给它们吃。但是他有一个很妙的办法。他对邻近的孩子们说，如果他们愿意出去采集足够的苜蓿和蒲公英来喂这些小兔子，他就用他们的名字来给它们取名字。
这个方法太神奇了，安德鲁·卡内基永远也忘不了。
许多年以后，他在商业上应用同样的心理学，赚了好几百万美元。例如，他希望将钢轨卖给宾夕法尼亚铁路公司。当时埃格·汤姆森正好是这家公司的董事长。于是安德鲁·卡内基在匹兹堡建了一家巨型钢铁厂，就取名为“埃格·汤姆森钢铁厂”。
你是否能猜出来，当宾夕法尼亚铁路公司需要钢轨的时候，埃格·汤姆森会去哪里买呢？是西尔斯公司？是鲁巴克公司？不！错了，再猜猜！
当卡内基与普尔曼之间为了获得卧车生意而开展激烈竞争时，这位钢铁大王
The Central Transportation Company, which Andrew Carnegie controlled, was fighting with the company that Pullman owned.Both were struggling to get the sleeping-car business of the Union Pacific Railroad, bucking each other, slashing prices, and destroying all chance of profit.Both Carnegie and Pullman had gone to New York to see the board of directors of the Union Pacific.Meeting one evening in the St.Nicholas Hotel, Carnegie said, “Good evening, Mr. Pullman, aren't we making a couple of fools of ourselves?”
“What do you mean?” Pullman demanded.
Then Carnegie expressed what he had on his mind—a merger of their two interests. He pictured in glowing terms the mutual advantages of working with, instead of against, each other. Pullman listened attentively, but he was not wholly convinced.Finally he asked, “What would you call the new company?” and Carnegie replied promptly, “Why, the Pullman Palace Car Company, of course.”
Pullman's face brightened.“Come into my room,” he said.“Let's talk it over.” That talk made industrial history.
This policy of remembering and honoring the names of his friends and business associates was one of the secrets of Andrew Carnegie's leadership. He was proud of the fact that he could call many of his factory workers by their first names, and he boasted that while he was personally in charge, no strike ever disturbed his flaming steel mills.
Benton Love, chairman of Texas Commerce Bankshares, believes that the bigger a corporation gets, the colder it becomes.“One way to warm it up,” he said, “is to remember people's names.”
又想起了兔子的故事。
卡内基控制的中央运输公司正在和普尔曼的公司火拼这场生意，双方都希望获得太平洋铁路联合公司的这笔卧车订单，于是两家公司互相排挤、大杀其价，最后到了无利可图的地步。卡内基与普尔曼都亲自去太平洋联合公司在纽约的董事局。一天晚上，在圣尼古拉大饭店中，卡内基遇到了普尔曼，他说：“晚上好，普尔曼先生！我们不是在自己出洋相吗？”
“你这是什么意思？”普尔曼问。
于是，卡内基把自己心中想了许久的话说了出来——将他们双方的利益合在一起。两家公司互相合作而不竞争的好处，被他描述得天花乱坠。普尔曼认真地听着，但并没有完全赞同。最后他问道：“这家新公司你怎么取名呢？”卡内基立刻回答说：“哦！当然是普尔曼皇宫卧车公司。”
普尔曼立刻神采飞扬。“到我房里来，”他说，“我们来详细谈谈。”那次谈话改写了美国工业史。
安德鲁·卡内基这种记住并尊敬他的朋友及同行名字的习惯，正是他成为商界领袖的秘诀之一。他能叫出他手下许多工人的名字，这也是他引以为豪的。他还非常得意地说，当他亲自管理公司的时候，从未发生过罢工的事件。
得克萨斯州商业股份有限公司董事长班顿·拉夫认为，公司越大就越冷漠。
Karen Kirsech of Rancho Palos Verdes, California, a flight attendant for TWA, made it a practice to learn the names of as many passengers in her cabin as possible and use the name when serving them. This resulted in many compliments on her service expressed both to her directly and to the airline. One passenger wrote:“I haven't flown TWA for some time, but I'm going to start flying nothing but TWA from now on. You make me feel that your airline has become a very personalized airline and that is important to me.”
People are so proud of their names that they strive to perpetuate them at any cost. Even blustering, hardboiled old P.T.Barnum, the greatest showman of his time, disappointed because he had no sons to carry on his name, offered his grandson, C.H. Seeley，$25，000 if he would call himself “Barnum” Seeley.
For many centuries, nobles and magnates supported artists, musicians and authors so that their creative works would be dedicated to them.
Libraries and museums owe their richest collections to people who cannot bear to think that their names might perish from the memory of the race. The New York Public Library has its Astor and Lenox collections. The Metropolitan Museum perpetuates the names of Benjamin Altman and J.P.Morgan. And nearly every church is beautiful by stained-glass windows commemorating the names of their donors. Many of the buildings on the campus of most universities bear the names of donors who contributed large sums of money for this honor.
Most people don't remember names, for the simple reason that they don't take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds.
“唯一能够使公司变得温暖一些的办法，”他说，“就是记住人们的名字。”
加利福尼亚兰克帕罗市的凯伦·科瑟奇是一位空姐，她经常练习记住飞机上旅客的名字，并在为他们服务时称呼他们的名字。因此，有的顾客会当面表扬她，也有的顾客会告诉公司。有一位顾客曾写信说：“我许久没有坐你们公司的飞机了。但从现在开始，我一定要等你们公司的飞机才乘坐。你们让我觉得你们的航空公司好像专属化了，而这对我非常重要。”
人们如此重视他们的名字，因此他们会不惜代价地使之永垂不朽。就连脾气暴躁而且富可敌国的伯纳姆，也曾因为没有儿子继承其姓氏而心灰意冷，以至于答应他的外孙西雷，如果他愿意称自己为“伯纳姆·西雷”的话，情愿给他25000美元。
几百年来，有钱人常常出钱资助那些艺术家、音乐家和作家，希望他们的作品献给他们。
图书馆和博物馆最有价值的收藏品，常常是由那些担心他们的姓名日后被遗忘的人捐赠的。纽约公共图书馆有爱斯德家族与李诺克斯家族的藏书；大都会博物馆则永远保存着本杰明·爱特曼与摩根的名字。几乎每一个教堂都镶嵌上了彩色玻璃，以纪念捐赠者。许多大学校园的建筑物也刻有捐赠者的名字，他们捐赠了大笔钱来获得此荣耀。
They make excuses for themselves; they are too busy.
But they were probably no busier than Franklin D. Roosevelt, and he took time to remember and recall even the names of mechanics with whom he came into contact.
To illustrate: The Chrysler organization built a special car for Mr. Roosevelt, who could not use a standard car because his legs were paralyzed.W.F. Chamberlain and a mechanic delivered it to the White House. I have in front of me a letter from Mr. Chamberlain relating his experiences.“I taught President Roosevelt how to handle a car with a lot of unusual gadgets, but he taught me a lot about the fine art of handling people.
“When I called at the White House,” Mr. Chamberlain writes, “the President was extremely pleasant and cheerful. He called me by name, made me feel very comfortable, and particularly impressed me with the fact that he was vitally interested in things I had to show him and tell him. The car was so designed that it could be operated entirely by hand. A crowd gathered around to look at the car; and he remarked，‘I think it is marvelous. All you have to do is to touch a button and it moves away and you can drive it without effort. I think it is grand—I don't know what makes it go. I'd love to have the time to tear it down and see how it works.'
“When Roosevelt's friends and associates admired the machine, he said in their presence:‘Mr. Chamberlain, I certainly appreciate all the time and effort you have spent in developing this car. It is a mighty free job.'He admired the radiator, the special rear-vision mirror and clock, the special spotlight, the kind of upholstery, the sitting position of the driver's seat, the special suitcases in the trunk with his monogram on each suitcase.
大多数人之所以不记得别人的姓名，只是因为他们不想花时间和精力去用心记。他们总是为自己寻找各种借口，例如说他们太忙了。
但他们大概不会比富兰克林·罗斯福更忙了，然而罗斯福却能花时间去记那些他曾经接触过的机械师的名字。
例如，克莱斯勒汽车公司曾为罗斯福先生特制了一辆汽车，因为他的腿瘫痪了不能开标准型号的车。张伯伦和一位机械师将汽车送到了白宫。我这里有一封张伯伦的信，讲了他当时的经历：“我教罗斯福总统如何驾驶一辆配置了许多特殊部件的汽车，但他也教给我许多为人处世的知识。
“当我被召到白宫的时候，”张伯伦先生写道，“总统非常高兴。他叫出了我的名字，使我感到非常欣慰。令我印象尤其深刻的，是他确实很注意我对他所说明的事项。这辆汽车设计成完全可以用手操作。一群人围在汽车四周观看。他说：‘我认为这辆汽车真是太棒了。只要按下这开关就可以开动，毫不费力。实在是太好了——我不知道它是如何工作的。我真希望有时间拆开来，看看它是如何工作的。’
“当罗斯福的朋友和同事都在称赞这辆车时，他当着他们的面说：‘张伯伦先生，我真的非常感谢你为了设计这辆车所花的时间和精力。这简直太棒了。’他对散热器、特制反光镜、时钟、特制照明灯、椅垫的式样、驾驶座的位置、车
In other words, he took notice of every detail to which he knew I had given considerable thought. He made a point of bringing these various pieces of equipment to the attention of Mrs.Roosevelt, Miss Perkins, the Secretary of Labor, and his secretary. He even brought the old White House porter into the picture by saying，‘George, you want to take particularly good care of the suitcases.’
“When the driving lesson was finished, the President turned to me and said，‘Well, Mr. Chamberlain, I have been keeping the Federal reserve Board waiting thirty minutes. I guess I had better get back to work.’
“I took a mechanic with me to the White House. He was introduced to Roosevelt when he arrived. He didn't talk to the President, and Roosevelt heard his name only once. He was a shy chap, and he kept in the background. But before leaving us, the President looked for the mechanic, shook his hand, called him by name, and thanked him for coming to Washington. And there was nothing perfunctory about his thanks. He meant what he said. I could feel that.
“A few days after returning to New York, I got an autographed photograph of President Roosevelt and a little note of thanks again expressing his appreciation for my assistance. How he found time to do it is a mystery to me.”
Franklin D. Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most obvious and most important ways of gaining good will was by remembering names and making people feel important—yet how many of us do it?
Half the time we are introduced to a stranger, we chat a few minutes and can't even
厢内标有他姓名缩写字母的特制衣箱等，都大加赞赏。换句话说，他注意到了每个细节，知道我所付出的心血。他还特别让罗斯福夫人、波金女士、劳工部长和他的秘书注意这些部件。他甚至还让那位白宫老搬运工也格外小心，他说：‘乔治，你可要小心这些衣箱。’
“在上完驾驶课之后，总统转向我说：‘好了，张伯伦先生，我已经让联邦储备委员会等我30分钟了。我想我该回去工作了。’
“我带了一位机械师去白宫。他刚到白宫时曾被介绍给罗斯福总统。他没有和总统说过一句话，而罗斯福总统也只听过他的名字一次。他是一个害羞的人，总是退缩在后面。但是在离开以前，总统找到这位机械师，和他握了握手，还叫出了他的名字，对他来到华盛顿表示感谢。他的这种感谢绝非做作，而是出自真心诚意。我能感觉到这一点。
“回到纽约几天后，我就收到了一张由罗斯福总统亲笔签名的照片，照片上还有简短的谢词，再次对我的帮助表示感谢。他如何有时间做这样的事，可真让我难以理解。”
富兰克林·罗斯福知道一个最简单、最明显、最重要的使人获得好感的方法，那就是记住别人的姓名，使人感觉受到了重视——但我们有多少人能够这样做呢？
有一半情形是这样的：我们被介绍给一位陌生人，和对方谈了几分钟，可是
remember his or her name by the time we say goodbye.
One of the first lessons a politician learns is this:“To recall a voter's name is statesmanship. To forget it is oblivion.”
And the ability to remember names is almost as important in business and social contacts as it is in politics.
Napoleon the Third, Emperor of France and nephew of the great Napoleon, boasted that in spite of all his royal duties he could remember the name of every person he met.
His technique? Simple. If he didn't hear the name distinctly, he said, “So sorry. I didn't get the name clearly.” Then, if it was an unusual name, he would say, “How is it spelled?”
During the conversation, he took the trouble to repeat the name several times, and tried to associate it in his mind with the person's features, expression and general appearance.
If the person was someone of importance, Napoleon went to even further pains. As soon as His Royal Highness was alone, he wrote the name down on a piece of paper, looked at it, concentrated on it, fixed it securely in his mind, and then tore up the paper. In this way, he gained an eye impression of the name as well as an ear impression.
All this takes time, but “Good manners,” said Emerson, “are made up of petty sacrifices.”
We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing... and nobody else. The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special
在分手的时候连对方的姓名都不记得。
作为一名政治家，所要学的第一课就是：“记住选民的姓名就是政治才能。倘若忘记，你将会被遗忘。”
在个人事业与商业交往中，记住姓名的能力与在政治领域中几乎同样重要。
法国皇帝拿破仑三世——也就是伟大的拿破仑的侄子，曾自我炫耀地说，虽然国务很忙，但是他能记住他所见过的每一个人的姓名。
他的方法呢？很简单。如果他没有听清楚对方的姓名，就会说：“对不起。我没听清楚姓名。”如果这是一个不常见的姓名，他就会问：“这是如何拼的？”
在谈话的过程中，他会将那个人的名字反复记几次，并在大脑中将这个姓名和这个人的面孔、神色以及外观对应起来。
如果对方是个很重要的人物，拿破仑三世就会更费心思记住他。在他单独一人的时候，会将这人的姓名写在一张纸上，仔细观看，牢牢记住，确信记住后将那张纸撕掉。这样，他对那个人的印象就会更深了。
所有这些事都要费一定的工夫，但爱默生认为：“礼貌，是由小小的牺牲换来的。”
我们应注意名字中包含的魔力，明白这正是我们与之打交道的人所完全拥有的东西，而不是属于别人的。名字使人们与他人有所区别，在众人中与众不同。
importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.
Principle 3：Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
当我们记住某人的姓名后，我们传递给对方的信息就会非常重要了。从服务员到高级经理，如果记住了他们的名字，我们与之交往时就会收到奇效。
第三项规则：记住一个人的姓名，对他来说这是所有语言中最甜蜜、最重要的声音。